What You Truly Believe About Yourself Determines Who You Become

What You Truly Believe About Yourself Determines Who You Become

“As a man , so he is. As he continues to think, so he remains.” -James Allen

Do you believe you’ll soon become 100% financially independent?

Do you believe you’ll never get divorced?

Are you positive you’ll ever travel the world?

What you believe determines what you become. You see what you look for; you attract what you are.

Most people don’t realize their beliefs determine the rest of their life; what you believe today has real effects on tomorrow. Your income, success, health, and who you ultimately become are based entirely on what you believe will happen.

As Michael Jordan once said:

“You have to expect things of yourself before you cando them.”

If you believe you can can, odds are you probably will.

But the opposite is also true — if you know you can’t, you’re probably right.

Bruce Lee put it this way: “One will never get any more than he thinks he can get.” What you truly, deeply believe is true about yourself and your future is most likely what will happen.

What do you believe?

The problem is, most people don’t have powerful self-belief in themselves. Most people think this is about as good as it gets. For the most part, most people believe the best they can be is merely “good.”

Why? Because it’s easier to stay in mediocrity than undertake the difficult process of upgrading your belief system. It’s easier to relax in “good” instead of busting your ass towards greatness.

If you want to have an incredible, successful life, you need to begin believing success is the only possible option.

“One of the greatest turning points in my life occurred when I stopped casually waiting for success and started to approach it as a duty, obligation, and responsibility.” -Grant Cardone

It’s Easier to Stay Mediocre Than Evolve

“It is easier to be mediocre than it is to confront reality and quit.” -Seth Godin

It’s not that most people wake up every day and declare, “Today is going to suck!

Most people have tried to evolve in some way. The problem is, once they fail, they quickly give up and settle into their mediocrity. They tried improving, it didn’t go as planned, so they gave up.

It’s easier to stay mediocre than face the pain of attempting and failing.

Said motivational speaker Les Brown:

“Most people knock on the door of their dreams once, then run away before anyone has a chance to the open the door. But if you keep knocking, persistently and endlessly, eventually the door will open.”

It’s easier to quit. It’s what most people do.

But here’s a secret most people stewing in mediocrity don’t realize:

It’s actually harder to live in mediocrity than work towards greatness.

Waking up every day knowing today is going to be average-at-best is exhausting. It’s depressing. It sucks all your energy out before you even get out the door.

It might seem easier to simply stay where you are; it’s not great, but why rock the boat, right?

Wrong. Remaining in mediocrity is more exhausting than working towards success. It takes energy either way — why not get what you want in the process?

“If you keep on living like the way you are now, you will continue to produce the same life you already have.” -Jim Rohn

Warren Wong on Unsplash

If You Want to Upgrade Your Life, Upgrade Your Mindset First

“If you want to have more success, you need to become more.” -Jim Rohn

If you want to upgrade every area of your life — your income, your health, your relationships, your potential — you must become more.

How do you become more?

By upgrading your mindset first.

Prolific author Napoleon Hill once wrote:

Success comes to those who are success-conscious.”

If you have a mindset that is always looking for success and improvement, you’ll find it.

I blogged for 4 years, and after 4 years I had accomplished…nothing. I had no followers, no views, and no income. Frankly, I eventually began believing I couldn’t succeed. I didn’t think my writing was good enough for the big leagues…and it wasn’t.

But last year, I finally got serious. I believed I was going to be one of the best writers on the Internet. As a result, I invested heavily in myself. My confidence grew. I built momentum, reinforcing my belief. After years of failed pitches, suddenly CNBC and Business Insider came to me. I’ve gained 20,000+ new email subscribers. I just signed a book deal!

“Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development, because success is something you attract by the person you become.” -Hal Elrod

Strong belief attracts success.

But no belief guarantees failure.

Richard Wiseman, a former street magician turned researcher and author, conducted a study with two groups — one group of people who thought of themselves as lucky, the other self-proclaimed they were “unlucky.”

For one study, Wiseman placed a $20 dollar bill on the street. The group that believed they were lucky spotted the bill almost every time; the “unlucky” group almost always ignored it and walked right past!

Success, in all its forms, isn’t something you seize so much as it is something that is attracted to you. The most effective, productive method of becoming a more successful person is believing you already are one.

Wrote best-selling motivational author Dr. David Schwartz:

“Belief, strong belief, triggers the mind to figure out ways and means how to.”

Most people don’t truly believe they can achieve greatness. They don’t believe they can actually live an extraordinary life.

As a result, this becomes true; they aren’t successful. They don’t attract opportunities. In fact, they actively miss them — even if it’s right at their feet!

But if you believe — truly believe — in your ability to succeed, you will. Your mind will figure out the means how.

“Whatever the conscious, reasoning mind of man believes’ the subconscious mind will accept and act upon.”

-Joseph Murphy, The Power of the Subconscious Mind

If You Always Let Others Think For You, You’ll Never Become Who You Want to Be

“Do not let others do your thinking for you.” -Joseph Murphy

The fact is, it’s easier to let others think for you.

It’s so convenient. If others are calling the shots, you bear none of the responsibility! If you try and fail, it’s not your fault — it’s theirs.

Grammy-award winning artist Kendrick Lamar once wrote, “I want the credit if I’m losing or I’m winning.” This is an uncommon mindset, one always found with highly successful people, and almost never found with unsuccessful individuals.

Most people aren’t willing to take full responsibility of their life; they might want the credit for the successes, but hate having to own up to the failures.

The result? Most people let others do their thinking for them.

This may save you from experiencing unpleasant responsibilities — admitting you haven’t made any progress after all this time while you could have, but didn’t — but you suffer far more in the long run.

When you are not your true self, that part of you begins acting out. As best-selling author David Kadavy wrote:

“When our true self doesn’t get a chance to follow its desires, it acts out in strange ways.”

The more you let others do your thinking for you, the farther you drift away from what you want.

Don’t let others do your thinking for you. It’s easier, more convenient, and hassle-free, but every day your future grows more boring and mediocre.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

-Steve Jobs

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Acting “As If” Becomes Acting As Is

“What you think, feel, and do is what you see, hear, and attract.” -James Altucher

There are powerful mental, physiological, and emotional shifts that happen when you begin believing you’re the best.

The only way you become a leading man is by treating yourself like a leading man and working your ass off,” wrote Arnold Schwarzenegger is his autobiography.

Author Darren Hardy put it this way: “Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon… must inevitably come to pass!

Tony Robbins once made the point that you get what you tolerate. If you tolerate mediocre, that’s exactly what you’ll get. If you act as if mediocrity is OK, then you’ll begin molding your beliefs to fit this reality.

But the opposite is true, too. If you act like the best, you’ll begin making choices and behaving in ways to make that a reality.

  • Why do you keep tolerating mediocrity?
  • Why do you keep believing you’re second-class?
  • When are you going to finally get serious?

The world’s top performers don’t tolerate anything below extraordinary. They are tireless in their quest for progression, learning, focusing, and growth. They become addicted to becoming better every day.

In the words of Darren Hardy:

“The key to becoming world-class in your endeavors is to build your performance around world-class routines.”

If you begin acting like the best, that’s what you’ll become.

Every day, your conscious mind takes orders from your belief system. Every choice you make, every word you say is based on these beliefs.

In his book, The Power of the Subconscious Mind, Joseph Murphy explained, “As you sow in your subconscious mind, so shall you reap in your body and environment.” What this means is simple: what you tell yourself is what you become.

If you act “as if” you are what you want to be — a professional athlete, a CEO of a $10M startup, a loving husband and father — you’ll eventually begin acting as these individuals actually act.

But if you continue to act in the ways you always have, you’ll never have anything more than what you already have.

“If you want to get to the next level of whatever you’re doing, you must think and act in a wildly different way than you previously have been.” -Grant Cardone

In Conclusion

“You cannot see what you don’t look for, and you cannot look for what you don’t believe in.” -Darren Hardy

If you have more than 2 close friends, you’re part of the minority.

Over half of Americans are on track to retire with less than $10,000.

There are actually more Americans that are obese than simply overweight!

Why are so many people living in mediocrity? Why don’t people have the lives they want?

A fundamental reason is because they simply don’t believe their ideal life is even possible.

You cannot gain what you don’t look for. Whatever you believe about yourself becomes true. Your belief system is incredibly powerful — it determines how successful (or unsuccessful) you’ll ultimately become.

Your thoughts are the reason you are where you are right now. If you’re not where you want to be, ask yourself: how are my thoughts limiting me? What beliefs are holding me back?

If you want more, then start with upgrading your mindset. Because what you believe about yourself determines who you become.

6-Word Sentence Will Give You Complete Freedom And High Performance

This 6-Word Sentence Will Give You Complete Freedom And High Performance

The worst possible advice is to “lower your expectations.”

Instead, it is far more powerful to:


“Expect everything and attach to nothing.”

— Carrie Campbell


The recent hit film, Molly’s Game, written and produced by Aaron Sorkin, is about the story of Molly Bloom.

She grew up in Colorado, moved to LA, and got mixed-up in the wrong crowd. Ultimately, she found herself hosting the highest paying private poker games in the world.

It’s a true story and totally worth learning about.

Molly couldn’t be stopped. Eventually, the FBI and many other organizations were out to stop her. But she was past her point of no return, fueled by “unsustainably high dopamine hits.”

Molly hosted private games and her clients were the richest and most famous people in the world. The biggest surprise was that these people were terribly unhappy. They were disconnected and had no “center of gravity.”

When you have all the money and fame in the world, everything can become numb — and you seek bigger and bigger thrills just to feel anything.

This is what Molly got sucked and absorbed into. Eventually, it all came crashing down. She was arrested, and lost everything — all of her money, friends, and reputation.

Complete Removal Of Ego

“Until you’ve lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is.” — Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind

Once she lost everything, and had to face the cold hard truth that she’d made some horrible mistakes, she was free to become whoever she wanted to be.

Her low was so low that she became completely devoid of ego. She started going to 12-step programs and working relentlessly on herself.

She knew she was a mess. She owned-up to everything she did. Rather than seeking “unsustainable” dopamine hits, she realized that she needed to re-center and internalize her center of gravity.

She needed to learn to sit with the discomfort and boredom — rather than impulsively seeking any form of distraction she could find to numb and suppress the restlessness.

She eventually realized that she needed a personal re-branding. She decided that the best bet for re-invention would be to have a film made of her life.

After doing some research, she decided that Aaron Sorkin could do the best job. She then spent 4 months trying to get a meeting with Sorkin. That involved getting rejected over and over and over.

Yet, she didn’t experience any pain in all of that rejection. She was already leveled to the dust in humility. She had no ego left. She had lost BIG. She had lost everything. Her reputation was as bad as it could get. She was a felon who had shamed herself and her family.

She was willing to move forward because:

  • She had spent a considerable time clarifying and justifying her thesis: that a movie about her life could actually be a viable option
  • She followed intuition
  • She went for it with abandon
  • She stayed connected to herself, her center of gravity, and those around her who had her back
  • She didn’t let the noise get it (others will try to convince you not to pursue your dream because they don’t believe they could do it or because they believe you can succeed)

Eventually, she got the meeting with Sorkin. She pitched her idea. At the end of the meeting, Sorkin said, “I’ve never met someone so down on their luck and so sure of themselves.”

Bloom responded, “I have lost everything. I have nothing to lose. I have no ego. If you don’t want to do this project, that’s fine.”


How To Have Raw And Uninhibited Performance

Whether you worry about the outcome or not, everything will turn out okay. You might as well let go of the worry. In the realm of creativity, the moment you realize you can try and fail — and that everything will be okay — then you are free to create.

In an interview with Success Magazine, actor Jeremy Piven explained that as an actor, the only way to work is to go out and audition for specific roles.

The challenge most actors/actresses face is that they get in their own way. It doesn’t matter how much homework they’ve done. If they’re too tied to a specific result, they can’t be present in the moment. They can’t truly perform their art. They come off as desperate. They get in their own way. Their performance isn’t what it could have been.

Jeremy said that when he quit worrying about a specific result, he was able to be present during his auditions. He was able to be completely who he wanted to be. He wasn’t trying to be what he thought others wanted him to be. He performed his art.

If he didn’t get the gig, either they didn’t get it or it just wasn’t the right fit. So he moves on to the next. In this way, he’s able to get the jobs he’s supposed to have. He’s not just trying to get anything he can get.

According to Robert Kegan, Harvard Psychologist, the only way to truly experience the highest levels of transformation and “conscious evolution” is to detach from the need for specific outcomes.

THIS specific outcomes isn’t what matters. THIS outcome, regardless of what it is — win or lose — has no bearing on what you’re committed to doing and being. You’re fully committed and invested. You’ve already made the decision. And in your mind, you already know what you are. So THIS outcome doesn’t affect any of that.

You won’t be derailed by success nor defeat — as most people are. You’ve already made a decision. You’re committed to that decision. And you will move forward regardless of what happens here.

Expect Everything; Attach To Nothing

Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” — Yoda

According to the “Expectancy Theory of Motivation,” three things must occur for a person to have high motivation for achieving their goals:

  • You must believe you can do what it takes to achieve your goal.
  • You must believe that you know how to achieve it (you have the proper methods).
  • Finally, you must believe that the rewards of the particular goal are personally meaningful.

Napoleon Hill put it this way, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”

If you believe you can do it, you probably can. Dan Sullivan has said, “The brain can only find what it’s looking for.” Most people assume something is impossible because that’s all their mental filter allows for. Ellen Langer said, “If something is presented as an accepted truth, alternative ways of thinking do not even come up for consideration.”

Yet, the common advice is to “lower your expectations,” in order to protect yourself from the pain of being let down.

Lowing your expectations is horrible advice.

The reason people are told to lower their expectations is because they don’t understand the power of confidence, commitment, and expectancy. They don’t realize, like Molly Bloom, that they could create the outcomes they wanted.

How did Bloom do it?

She internalized her center of gravity. She did the deep inner work of completely removing her ego. She faced all of her demons and faced the truth.

Then, she made a committed conclusion, removed all the external noise, and made it real. All of a sudden, she’s on the Ellen show and there’s a major motion picture about her life.

She could maintain inner security because she was completely detached from the outcomes.

She completely believed she would be successful. She could create the impossible. She expected to succeed — and her expectations and hopes were sky-high.

She wanted to work with the absolute best.

She held nothing back.

Yet, she was completely detached from every outcome. And in fact, that’s why she was able to pursue with such tenacity. The outcome didn’t really matter, and paradoxically she was internally resolved to make it happen.

This is freedom.

To expect the best and be completely detached from whatever happens.

Attachment to outcomes leads to being desperate and dissolving your personal values to get that outcome. You become unhealthily obsessed and can’t stay present.

When you know things will work out, and yet can be detached to whatever happens, you can live in congruence and integrity. If you succeed, you’re not defined by that success. If you fail, you’re not defined by that failure.

Your future is bigger and better than your past.

You’re constantly growing.

You’re aligned.

You’re clear.

You’re free.

Conclusion

If you attach to an outcome — whether a good or bad — you freeze your personality. The worst thing you can do for your success is get attached to what happened in the past.

  • Prior success defines you, and stops you from re-inventing yourself in the present.
  • Prior failure defines you, and stops you from taking bigger and bolder risks in the present.

Attach to people, absolutely.

But detach completely from outcomes.

Expect EVERYTHING. Raise your expectations. Surround yourself with people who expect the best. According to what psychologists call, “The Pygmalion Effect,” people rise or fall to the expectations of those around them.

The best thing you can do is surround yourself with people who hold you to a higher standard than you hold yourself.

Very few people want REAL accountability in their lives. I’ve watched it. It takes a considerable amount of persuasion to convince someone to make a change THEY WANT TO MAKE in their lives.

Most people resent accountability. They don’t want to be pushed. They don’t want high expectations.

They want lower and lowering expectations. Even when they pay someone to hold them accountable.

But if you want real growth — surround yourself with people who expect you to show up bigger than you’ve ever watched yourself show up. Surround yourself with people who see enormously more in you than you could ever see in yourself.

Expect success.

Attach to nothing.

Play.

Fail.

Best Love Quotations Of All Time

What I have been savoring in the pages of my personal diary!

You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.

— Albert Einstein

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

Quotations, other than being read for pleasure and the ‘this feels so true’ factor, can also help you escalate your relationship!

Just run your eyes down this list, sort out the best one that fits your relationship status and send it to your ‘Special Someone’!

When we come across some quotes that best fits our situation, we often resonate so well that we instantly feel at peace!

So….Get Set Go!

1. The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.

— Unknown

2. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

— Unknown

3. She wasn’t exactly sure when it happened. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way.

— Nicholas Sparks

4. In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don’t force falling in love, you don’t force being in love — you just become. I don’t know how to say that in English, but you just feel it.

— Juan Pablo Galavis

5. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

— Mignon McLaughlin

6. The saddest thing about falling in love is that sooner or later something will go wrong.

— Unknown


“Woman`s hand with a ring on a man`s hand at Nunggalan Beach Nyang Nyang” by Andrew Avdeev on Unsplash

7. Sometimes the person you fall for isn’t ready to catch you.

— Unknown


8. Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride.

— Jackie Collins

9. Falling for him would be like cliff diving. It would be either the most exhilarating thing that ever happened to me or the stupidest mistake I’d ever make.

— Hussein Nishah


10. The bottom line is that we never fall for the person we’re supposed to.

— Jodi Picoult


11. If you’re afraid of getting hurt and feeling severe pain, then avoid falling in love.

— Unknown


12. I was falling. Falling through time and space and stars and sky and everything in between. I feel for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. I fell until I forgot I was falling.

— Jess Rothenberg


13. I think falling in love is always a surprise, right?

— Josh Dallas


14. Each day my love grows deeper, deeper than I never thought before.

— Unknown


15. No one ever fell in love gracefully.

— Connie Brockway


16. Love is a feeling, a feeling of happiness. Love is powerful, too powerful to play with. This feeling is strange and hard to describe, but when you fall in love, you will know it inside.

— Unknown


17. It is better to lock up your heart with a merciless padlock, than to fall in love with someone who doesn’t know what they mean to you.

— Michael Bassey Johnson


18. A priceless moment is when the person that you have fallen in love with, looks you right in the eyes to tells you that they have fallen in love with you.

— Unknown


19. Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

— Helen Rowland


“A white flower called “Love in the mist” blooms against a black background” by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

20. “Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with the same person repeatedly is extraordinary.

— Crystal Woods


21. Love is like a hole; once you fall in, it’s hard to get out.

— Unknown


22. Falling in love doesn’t fall by itself. There is always a desire to take the plunge. Just make sure that love sticks around, to pick you up when you fall.

— Unknown


23. “All I’m saying is that I don’t want to sort of fall in love with fifty different people. I’d rather find one person and fall completely, deeply in over my head.

— Anna White


24. When we’re falling in love or out of it, that’s when we most need a song that says how we feel. Yeah, I write a lot of songs about boys. And I’m very happy to do that.

— Taylor Swift


25. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves

— Unknown


26. Don’t fall in love; rise with it.

— Amit Abraham


27. We never get enough of falling in love and believing in love.

— Shemar Moore


28. I’m not just falling in love with you, I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are.

— Unknown


29. Have you ever watched a leaf leave a tree? It falls upward first, and then it drifts toward the ground, just as I find myself drifting towards you.

— Beth Kephart


“A scene prepared for a wedding with flower bouquets, empty chairs, and an altar” by Shardayyy Photography on Unsplash

30. When two people fall in love, all they can think about is how to build a perfect world around them.

— Unknown


31. There is that awful moment when you realize that you’re falling in love. That should be the most joyful moment, and actually it’s not. It’s always a moment that’s full of fear because you know, as night follows day, the joy is going to rapidly be followed by some pain or other. All the angst of a relationship.

— Helen Mirren


32. The mark of a real man, is a man who can allow himself to fall deeply in love with a woman

— Unknown


33. Isn’t that how falling in love so often works? Some stranger appears out of nowhere and becomes a fixed star in your universe.

— Kate Bolick


34. The greatest wonderful feeling is falling in love.

— Lailah Gifty Akita


35. No one believes in love at first sight until that special person comes along and steals your heart.

— Unknown


36. When you fall head over heels for someone, you’re not falling in love with who they are as a person; you’re falling in love with your idea of love.

— Elisabeth Rohm


37. Don’t try to stop your heart from falling in love, because in the end it may be worth it.

— Fad Ibra


38. She wonders if this is what people call falling in love, the desire to be with someone for every minute of the rest of her life so strong that sometimes she is frightened of herself.

— Yiyun Li


39. Love is like falling down…in the end you’re left hurt, scared, and with a memory of it forever.

— Unknown


40. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. And when you start missing, you’ll eventually fall in love again.

— Vinay Sharma


41. The scary thing about falling for someone is you don’t know whether they will stay or just leave at any given time.

— Emily Tilley


42. When you’re falling in love, you never notice it until you’ve already hit the ground.

— Terry Mark


“Two colorful floral arrangements in tin pails, with cut roses nearby” by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

43. Once you tell someone you love them, you automatically give that person the right to hurt you, and yet you place a trust in them that they won’t tear you apart.

— Abhishek Tiwari


44. Falling in love is a wonderfully terrifying sensation.

— Steve Maraboli


45. If ever you remember me, I will be thankful. If ever yours lips meets mine, I will be grateful. If ever we fall in love, I will be happy. If ever we fall apart, I will be sorry.

— Unknown


46. How can one fall in love? For me, love can only be uplifting…

— Ashok Kallarakkal


47. No one ever fell in love without being a little bit brave.

— Mario Tomasello


48. How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love?

— Daria Snadowsky


49. When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it.

— Unknown


50. I loved him desperately, completely, and he wasn’t threatening to consume me anymore. He already had. Everything that was me was him. My heart, mind and soul all were as much a part of him as they were me.

— Cassandra Giovanni


51. Be careful while falling in love, see that the fall doesn’t kill You.

— Steve Relane


52. Then he kissed her so deeply and so completely that she felt like she was falling, floating, spiraling down, down, down, like Alice in Wonderland.

— Liane Moriarty


53. If you fall in a river, There is a Boat, If you fall in well, There is Rope, But if you fall in LOVE, There is no HOPE.

— Unknown


54. You can’t help who you fall in love with.

— E.L. Montes


55. Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building; your head tells you, ‘Idiot you’re gonna die’ but your heart tells you ‘Don’t worry pretty girl you can fly.’

— Unknown


56. God is such a cruel god
for making you so wonderful,
and for making me so weak.

— Sade Andria Zabala


“Man and woman kissing in a field at La Fresneda, partially obscured by long waving grasses” by Montse Monmo on Unsplash

57. You know you’re falling in love when the feeling of falling actually feels like you’re floating.

— Rashida Rowe


58. Many people do not fall in love; they fall in love with the idea of themselves being in love.

— C. JoyBell


59. To fall in love is very easy, Staying in love is a challenge, Letting go is the hardest part, And moving on is a damn suicide.

— Nishan Panwar


60. There is no greater feeling than falling in love, and no greater pain than when you lose it.

— Unknown


61. When your stomach turns somersaults every time you see your love interest, when you can go without eating for half a day because you can’t think of anything else, and when the sound of her voice blocks out every possible distraction each time you hear it…then logic’s role becomes a very minor one.

— Erik Tomblin


62. I never fall in love, because everything that falls breaks.

— Unknown


63. You know you’re in love the moment you can touch the stars without reaching. -Morgan

— Melisa M. Hamling


64. People should fall in love with their eyes closed.

— Hussein Nishah


65. Today’s problem is that people are quickly falling in love and falling out of it just as quickly.

— Moffat Machingura


67. Love is simple. You just gotta let yourself fall and have faith that someone will be there to catch you.

— Chelsea M. Cameron


68. Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them.

— Unknown


69. Falling in love not only brings excitement and fulfillment; it also creates anxiety and fears of rejection and potential loss.

— Kumar Anupam


Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

70. Because before the time when you’re heartbroken, you get to be in love, and that’s worth it.

— Leila Sales


71. I fell in love with you because there was a mischief in your eyes.

— Michka Assayas


72. You can run away from love but it’ll find you and make you fall into it.

— Unknown


73. I loved you before I even knew the name for it. Everyday I’d sit beside you, inhaling your scent, looking at your beautiful face. Every night, dreaming about you. You eclipsed everything else. It was you. Always you.

— Heather Anastasiu


74. Falling in love doesn’t hurt; it’s the sudden STOP that hurts so much.

— Unknown


75. Falling in love doesn’t always lead to heartbreak, honey. With the right man, it can be a one-way ticket to paradise.

— Catherine Anderson

How To Be Mindful Of The Ego’s Control

Attention To The Darkness

“It is the nature of the ego to take, and the nature of the spirit to share.” — Proverb

Being mindful of the ego’s control could be the single factor that leads to your salvation.

Alternative medicine advocate and author Deepak Chopra affirmed, “If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

Many people are asleep to the vice-like grip the ego has and fall victim to it because they are unaware of its influence.

The ego is the wounded and scorned child that poses a threat to a person’s self-esteem. It manipulates you into the belief of separation, which is nothing more than an impulse intended to reinforce its position.

The ego thrives on dividing you from the wholeness of your authentic self and conspires to lure you into its ways.

It is the splintered part of the soul serving to admonish you of your limitations.

The ego takes its power from identifying with the “I” of your being. Every time you affirm, “I am lazy”, “I am hopeless/incompetent”, etc., it reinforces its influence.

When this voice becomes overwhelming, it leads you further away from your soul nature.

The ego undertakes to prove your unworthiness by bringing attention to the damaged aspects of your character.

“All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are,” states Buddhist nun Pema Chodron.

You are complete beings, embodied in the duality of light and dark — yin and yang. The ego, however, prefers to bring attention to the darkness by reminding you of the concealed self, replete with faults and vulnerabilities. However, this is not who you are but merely a snapshot of your being.

It seeks to be heard to ensure its survival, since focusing attention on your soul nature diminishes the ego.

The Authentic Self

“Give up all bad qualities in you, banish the ego and develop the spirit of surrender. You will then experience Bliss.” — Sri Sathya Sai Baba

To find harmony, acknowledge your unconscious or suppressed thoughts and transform them into empowering states.

Author Mario Martinez states in The MindBody Code, “The solution to all your impasses and suffering is not to kill your ego or detach from your negative emotions. You need your ego to deal with the practical aspects of life, and all emotions are essential biological information that tells you how your body is responding to the interpretations you make about your circumstances.”

To draw attention to your authentic self, realise that underneath your tangled story lies your core essence which is love and light. For the ego is merely a facade masquerading as a Venetian mask to conceal the real self.

Consider this, why do you identify with the egoic voice instead of the expression of the soul? Maybe it reminds you of the parent who criticised you, in contrast to the nurturing parent. Naturally, you are drawn to the negative parent to appease them and justify your self-worth.

The ego is the worn-out script that plays out in your head to convince you of your unworthiness. This is coupled with recalling negative thoughts that have you believe you are less than perfect.

To transform the voice of the ego, become conscious of your limiting self-talk and examine your hurt and pain for what it actually is — a smoke screen.

Undertake this by going into silence which allows you to connect with the stillness of the inner self. Meditation practice is an effective means to connect with your soul, because it drowns out the mental chatter in place of connecting with your authentic self.

“The authentic self will never lead you to believe that you have anything to defend, prove, or be puffed up about, because your true identity is not determined by what your ego or the world has to say about you,” affirms author Dennis Merritt Jones.

Regretfully, many people distract themselves with extraneous noise that isolates them from associating with their core self. If they retreat into silence long enough, they discover beneath their thoughts is someone they don’t like.

The Principle Of Wholeness

“Enlightenment is ego’s ultimate disappointment.” ― Chögyam Trungpa

There is a vast undercurrent of longing to be noticed within. This pure awareness is known when you shift your attention away from incessant thoughts and focus on the stillness.

It was during meditation practice one day that I reached deep into my being and experienced this breath-taking stillness. I sensed returning home and yearned to associate with this pure silence. The clue to developing a relationship with this aspect of your being is to turn down the narrative of the egoic voice.

You shouldn’t try to destroy the ego, rather integrate it into the wholeness of your being so you are not a servant to it.

Meditation teacher and psychotherapist Loch Kelly validates this position in his book, Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness. “What we let go of is our ego-identification. Our ego functions and ego personality become less stressed, defensive, and constricted; ego-identification is no longer experienced as the centre of who we are.”

Avoid supporting the ego’s view of separateness, and instead highlight the principle of wholeness.

Disempowering thoughts linked to fear is your soul calling you to reconnect with your authentic nature. Accordingly, fear is a signpost pointing you to the quietness within.

So, when a disempowering thought appears, simply notice it through pure awareness. I am reminded of the phrase my six-year-old nephew learned at kindergarten — “stop, look and listen.”

So, stop what you are doing, look within and listen attentively to the voice calling your attention. As you practice this, the less the ego will reinforce its control, so in time it rescinds into the background.

Afterall, if you seek to attain a state of bliss as Deepak Chopra affirms, you must reach beyond the ego while being attentive to its control.

40 Keys to Lasting Happiness

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

A complete list of things you can do more often that will bring you joy, peace, meaning and success. According to the Internet.


Look. I’m like you. I abhor lists like this. They’re all the fucking same. A minion sits down at a keyboard after having just had a birthday, or just gotten married, or just secured their first round of seed funding, or — even worse — just after they’ve read a self-help book, distills their “expertise” into clickbait, and preaches to you that if you just do somewhere between 3 and 100 tasks all the time that you will unlock a blissful utopia within the inner recess of your soul, find everlasting love, live in a perpetual state of abundance, and radiate a cosmic energy that people will find irresistible.

That shit’s not workable. There’s not 36 hours in a day. You’re not a superhero. Stop setting your expectations that high. Instead, let’s take a deep breath and work on incremental change — which everyone knows is the key to success in everything anyway.

In that spirit, I’ve scoured the Internet for you — or, at least, every reputablewebsite I could find (all due respect to Mind Body Green) and cross-checked every happiness/success master list, and documented every happiness hack on which a plurality of these content factories could agree. I’ve presented this list below in no discernible order, since there’s no real wrong order to make progress, with the intention that this list feels a little less hollow than the vapid, patronizing Self-Help Industrial Complex would.

I do promise you this: If you do these things a little more often than you currently do, no, you will not suddenly spend your life sipping Prosecco on a Yacht at sunrise while kissing the love of your life under the sun just off the Amalfi Coast. As a matter of fact, if that’s important to you, the whole trip — flight / AirBnB / Yacht / Prosecco — will run you approximately $1,836 to do one time, so if that falls somewhere in the zip code of your definition of #lifegoals, there’s the bar you need to clear.

I’ll make you one more promise before I present the list: If you do any or all of these things a little more often than you currently do, yes, you will find your life to be less stressful, more meaningful, happier, wealthier and healthier. How much? Depends how often you do them. Maybe 5%. Maybe 500%. But definitely a number greater than 0%, barring circumstances outside your control. I’ve also, where applicable, identified a “dosage” for you, a metric existing in a squishy space somewhere between maximum benefit and minimum effort.


  1. Call your immediate family, as often as once a week.
  2. Schedule time to hang out with your 5–15 best friends, one evening per week and/or one afternoon per weekend.
  3. Say “thank you” literally every time you feel like you should, as genuinely and graciously as possible.
  4. Help people achieve their goals, small or large, so long as you’re not the type of person who feels easily slighted or used.
  5. Every six months or so, identify what you’d like to do in the next six months or so. You could probably get away with doing this yearly. Five-year plans are too long and too Soviet.
  6. Eat food that you love to eat. Both hunger and life are finite. Make the most of them.
  7. That said → Eat more fruits and vegetables. Potentially as much as 80% of your food by volume. Just, you know … when you get around to it.
  8. Always have a project. It doesn’t matter if it’s building a bar cart, or cross-stitching a vulgar pillow, or writing Dallas Cowboys slash fiction, or pickling your own artisan kimchi. Projects bring you satisfaction. Satisfaction brings you confidence. One project at a time is fine.
  9. Do things you enjoy doing. Love pinball? Cool. I won’t judge you. Get you a roll of quarters and go full-tilt on a drizzling afternoon. This is the non-goal-directed version of №8. Do something small yet amusing daily. (Not a euphemism.)
  10. Schedule something to look forward to. Doesn’t have to be the Amalfi Coast. Call your friend and ask them if they’d like to go to the local Bills Backers bar to watch them get mashed out by the Patriots by 40. Do something like this weekly.
  11. Drink coffee or tea. There’s a reason caffeine is the world’s most-consumed substance in the world. Because it works.
  12. However much sex you’re having … you could probably stand to have more sex.
  13. Exercise. Somewhere between 3–6 hours per week, broken up into 30–60 minute blocks almost daily. Split fairly evenly between strength, sport and cardio. Sure, sex counts, too. And it doesn’t have to be SoulCycle. RegularCycle is fine.
  14. Do a small favor for someone. Preferably daily. And don’t tell people about it, unless you want people to think you’re a douchebag.
  15. Document your progress in a journal or a spreadsheet or on a pretentious Medium page. Nothing can be improved without first being measured.
  16. Keep in regular touch with approximately 150 people. Why 150? Seems to be the number that’s floating around. What’s regular? Probably more often than you currently are with your 3,500 Facebook friends.
  17. Wake up earlier. 6 a.m. seems to be the popular target, but anything’s better than 15 minutes before work, you hot mess express.
  18. Worship or meditate or practice yoga. Or all three. And if you don’t believe in god, don’t worry, there’s no good reason to start.
  19. At night before you go to bed, write down one thing you’d like to do the next day. This is weird, but it’s popular. Like Goat Yoga.
  20. Create a “Jar of Awesome” and fill it. This is batshit crazy. But I think it’s closely related to the overly Pinterest-y and homework assignment-y “gratitude journal,” and sounds way more badass.
  21. Try new things. Do something slightly different every day, or something moderately different on a regular basis. It emboldens you and makes you interesting. Eat out for Ethiopian. Buy a sex swing. Skydive. Maybe all three.
  22. Go outside. Daily, if possible. Apparently, sunlight, exercise, and digital detoxification are all good for you, and this is the lazy way to knock out all three. Speaking of:
  23. Go analog. Whenever possible, write in a real journal, read a real book, talk instead of text, and schedule your screen time strategically. It facilitates deeper focus which fosters better flow state. (Though, so can Tetris. See also: №8, №9)
  24. Take an annual vacation. Somewhere new, if possible. Somewhere they don’t speak your language, if you can afford it. And use all your vacation days, if you get them.
  25. Take a class. Learn a language. Learn to ballroom dance. Learn Tai-Chi. Learn to code. What you learn doesn’t matter as long as you’re learning.
  26. Learn something new every day. This is the close cousin of №8, №21, and №25. Again, it doesn’t much matter what.
  27. Be kind to others. Given the opportunity. If you’re into making friends.
  28. Forgive people. Given the opportunity. If you’re into keeping friends.
  29. To the extent that you can, make your role models your close friends. I hack this by making my Facebook “Close Friends” list the people I admire the most. You’ll find yourself subconsciously adapting their (desirable) behaviors. And you’ll forget all about your high school BFF who’s posting political memes with typos.
  30. To the extent that you can, do what you love, and find a way to monetize it. Five years ago, I was homeless. I decided if I was going to be broke, I’d be broke as a writer and musician. I started doing both for free. Then I started charging for it. Today, I am still a writer and musician. And I am no longer broke. Even though I work 60+ hours per week, I feel like I still haven’t worked since 2011. (I get that this is a super personal, super specific anecdote and lacks the typical snark of the previous 29 entries.)
  31. Celebrate other people’s successes. Throw surprise parties. Never miss a chance to say happy birthday or congratulations.
  32. Ask people specific questions about themselves. This is sort of a hybrid of selflessness, empathy, compassion, education, edification and relationship building. This is the slam-dunk, actionable way to do all of that quickly and efficiently.
  33. Sleep eight hours. Your mileage may vary.
  34. Try not to drink. There’s a million mental, social, physical, emotional and legal benefits to temperance or sobriety, but I’ll label the top-line benefit: Unless you’re drinking *while* doing one of the other things on this list, you’re wasting your time.
  35. Try not to smoke. (*Glares at self in mirror.*) You’ll have more oxygen and more energy to do everything else on this list, plus, you know … cancer.
  36. Spend time alone doing something other than watching Netflix or mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. (Just not *too* much time alone, you sociopath.)
  37. Shower daily. You know why.
  38. Tidy up daily. Clean weekly. Purge monthly. Donate seasonally. Clutter is the NOS button on the superhighway to crazy-town.
  39. Read something interesting regularly. Again, preferably analog. Graphic novels? Go nuts. Astral projection guides? Be my guest. As long as it can hold your attention.
  40. Cook your own meals. As often as reasonably possible. Depending on context, this could potentially fall under №2, №6, №7, №8, №9, №14, №21, №25, №26, №27, №30, or №36, and could probably lead to №12 if you play your cards right.

In short, perhaps this world would be a significantly better place if we all just learned our way around the kitchen.

Thinking in Levels

Photo by Daniel Olah on Unsplash

Einstein once said, “You can’t solve a problem from the level of thinking that created the problem in the first place“.

The process of thinking involves several levels, but only a few people think beyond the first level.

Multiple level thinking in common among poker players. It’s a concept that has been made popular by David Sklansky in his book No Limit Hold ’em: Theory and Practice, and defines the different levels of thought that a poker player can occupy when playing:

  • Level 0: No thinking.
  • Level 1: What do I have?
  • Level 2: What do they have?
  • Level 3: What do they think I have?
  • Level 4: What do they think I think they have?
  • Level 5: What do they think I think they think I have?

Thinking in levels can expose flaws in your decision making process, helping you to make choices with little or no blindspots.

In life and business, the person with fewest blind spots wins.

When you think in levels, you don’t decide in a vacuum. You develop a better thought process that saves you from making bad decisions.

You gather pieces of information, analyse the meaning of the knowledge you have gathered, comprehend it, and confirm it, before drawing conclusions.

Multiple level thinkers analyze information as a whole considering its various parts. They synthesize each piece to form a whole.

Robert Sternberg, a professor of psychology and education at Yale University, says that successful people use three kinds of intelligence: analytical, creative, and practical. A successful person, according to Sternberg, uses all three.

Moste decisions we make in life gets processed through our life experiences or the mental models we have gathered over the years — what we have been taught at home and school, what we have read, what we have seen, what we have heard, and so on.

This is how you make sense of our world.

You could say that humans understand the world by building a “model” of it in our minds. When we are trying to decide how to act, we can simulate a situation by running it through the model.

It’s like a simulation of the world inside your brain.

Instead of thinking on the fly, you use mental models to analyse every situation before making a choice.

The 3 thinking levels

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Level 1

Level one thinkers observe, but rarely interpret or analyse what they see.

They take information on the face value. In his book, The Most Important Thing Illuminated, Howard Marks explains:

First-level thinking is simplistic and superficial, and just about everyone can do it (a bad sign for anything involving an attempt at superiority). All the first-level thinker needs is an opinion about the future, as in “The outlook for the company is favorable, meaning the stock will go up.” Second-level thinking is deep, complex and convoluted.

At level one, there is no reasoning beyong the obvious, no adaptation, or analysis.

Most people get stuck at level 1. They take in facts, statistics and information, but never question the reasoning behind them or make the effort analyse what they have seen, read or been taught.

They obsessively seek out truth that comfirms their wordviews and cling to it with little room for metacognition (thinking about their thinking).

Level 2

At this level, you allow yourself to interpret, make connections and meanings.

Steve Jobs once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

Second-level thinking takes a lot of work.

At the second level, decision makers begin to interpret and analyze the pieces they have observed and put them together to form meaning.

This is the level at which we begin to look for alignments, contrast, repetition or improvements.

Many modern innovators who improve upon past inventions instead of transform industries use level two thinking.

Apps that connect better or help us work smarter. Planes that fly farther, faster, phones that process better, cars that are better designed, or are environmentally friendly.

Example, the smartphone has benefited from Moore’s Law — the consistent, significant increase in performance — with processor and connectivity speeds seeing the biggest increments without major breakthrough.

These increments help us save time. They improve upon existing inventions but are not transformational.

Level two thinkers synthesis better — build up or connect separate pieces of information to form a larger, more coherent pattern.

They are better at reorganising or rearranging ideas to produce a more comprehensive understanding of the “big picture”.

They can deconstruct assumptions and ideas that are hidden in an idea and detect the relationship among the parts or the relationship between the parts and the whole.

Level 3

This is the alpha stage of thinking.

Level 3 thinkers have the capacity to transfer knowledge, i.e., to apply a concept learned in one context to different contexts than the one in which the concept was originally learned.

Here is a short fascinating story of Steve Jobs’s youthful calligraphy class. After dropping out of school, he wandered into a calligraphy course.

It seemed irrelevant at the time, but the design skills he learned were later baked into the first Macs.

The takeaway: You never know what will be useful ahead of time. You just need to try new things and wait to see how they connect with the rest of your experiences later on.

Level 3 thinkers can view an issue or idea from a variety of viewpoints, standpoints, or positions to gain a more comprehensive and holistic understanding.

They generate imaginative ideas, unique perspectives, innovative strategies, or novel (alternative) approaches to traditional practices.

This is what gives rise to human genius that change the course of history.

It’s what happens when high performers, and innovations ask questions beyond a mere “why?”.

It’s the source of abstract thought — scientific and artistic creativity.

Global transformational ideas reside in the minds of creative, inventive people who use level 3 thinking.

Society advances through the work of the alphas, because these creatives, innovators, and disruptors present new options and explore possibilities and new territories.

The go beyond the norm, the obvious, and the conventional to make connections.

Aphas are on the forefront of modern medicine and engineering.

Everyone has the potential to be an alpha, but when we grow too lazy to question, too comfortable to expand our world-views, apathetic or bored to ask “why”, we stop advancing as a species.

Dig deeper

I will be launching a new course, “Thinking in Models: The Mental Frameworks, Models, and Thinking Patterns of Top Achievers,” soon. It’s designed to help you to think clearly, solve problems at multiple levels of depths, and make complex decisions with confidence. Sign up here and be the first to be notified when it launches.

Why Being Mindful Of Your Thoughts Leads To Deliberate And Purposeful Action

Photo by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash

Mindful Action

“Looking upon leads to awareness. Awareness leads to action.” — Talmud

The Master once asked his disciples which was more important: wisdom or action.

The disciples were unanimous: “Action, of course. Of what use is wisdom that does not show itself in action?”

Said the Master: “And of what use is action that proceeds from an unenlightened heart?”

Tony de Mello’s fable highlights that deliberate action emanates from an awakened mind and pure heart.

Mindful action unfolds when you are present in the moment, not absorbed in runaway thoughts.

Your actions stem from being aware and awake to a greater purpose and not victims to your innate desires.

It is easy to succumb to numbing thoughts because they are buried deep within your psyche. You are only aware of them once you have carried out the deed.

Mindful action involves bringing your whole self into the present moment, engaged with life as it unfolds. Its power lies in its practice and application.

The more you are mindful of your actions, the less pain and suffering you encounter.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction states the aim of mindfulness is to act with clarity and intent.

Mindful action calls you to be prepared instead of having a divided focus. You become absorbed in the flow experience of life and bring your thoughts into the present moment with openness and honesty.

“Callous actions are caused by callous minds,” states author Nicholas Epley in Mindwise.

To avoid heartless action, practice mindful thinking and pay attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.

For some, it may take a lifetime of anxiety, pain and suffering to realise who they are. Yet through mindful action you connect with your deepest self, so your actions result from thoughtfulness.

You harmonise with your inner intelligence and trust the intuitive guidance that appears, rather than dismiss it as unrelated.

You come to realise underneath the façade, you are already wise and not at the mercy of your thoughts and emotions.

Likewise, mindful action helps you deal with stress and anxiety because you are no longer governed by them. Instead, you use those disempowering states as motivation toward wholehearted living.

Stress and anxiety serve no role within the body’s landscape since you are now mindful of the purpose they served — unity over separation.

Photo by Jacob Townsend on Unsplash

Governed By External Elements

“Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” — Lao Tzu

Mindful action is useful to reinforce nutritional harmony. Emotional eaters will benefit from mindfulness instead of responding to the pull of their instinctive desires.

Often, you may be at the mercy of your emotional instabilities and turn to food to feel better about yourself. While short lived, the consequences of not attending to your emotional wellbeing heightens the discord between mind and body.

Moreover, using food as an emotional blanket desensitises your emotions, so you react instead of merge with your core feelings. You may experience runaway emotions while powerless to guide yourself back to harmony.

Linda Graham MFT states: “Choose to recondition afflictive emotions that block wise action, freeing up energy that lets you move in the world resiliently.”

Mindful action helps you to inhabit your body with attentiveness and act according to your core values.

Similarly, the power of focus directs your thoughts so your actions are intentional and not automatic.

To focus means to harness your mental faculties towards appropriate action, which arises from intrinsic motivators and not external circumstances.

Your focus can be deceived by the tide of disharmony, which can be disconcerting. Once you regain your composure, shift your attention so your actions originate from mindful intent.

It is no surprise life can be filled with circumstances not of your choosing. At these times, be careful with your thoughts and highest intentions, instead of being governed by external elements.

“Indeed, we are constantly engaged in the self-construction business, on both outer and inner levels, through both thought and actions, in our ongoing effort to convince not only others but ourselves that we really exist,” states Lama Surya Das.

Your actions define who you are while your words reveal who you aspire to be. Be persistent in choosing mindful actions that resonate with harmonious thoughts.

You are defined by your actions more than your words, so it stands they be congruent with how you want to be perceived by others. This is the one true barometer of your character that speaks volumes of who you become.

Mindful action leads you to observe the call of your inner spirit. It is the modest counsellor directing your soul’s evolution.

Again Lama Surya Das reminds us in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries: “Through understanding, we can avoid looking for what we want and need in the wrong places, repeating the same actions while hoping for and even expecting different results, and seeking happiness in ways which simply perpetuate our unhappiness and suffering.”

I believe we have discovered something important here.

Mindful action emerges from a greater intelligence tied to a pure heart and enlightened mind. To the uninitiated, an enlightened mind naturally means a mind free of prejudices and conditions.

Be attentive to your inner spirit by allowing it to influence your thoughts, rather than be led by the chaos of your external world.

As the computer idiom goes: “junk in, junk out.”

To be mindful of your thoughts leads to deliberate action, which is the fertile ground of an enlightened mind.

Why people don’t achieve their personal goals?

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I’ve been thinking quite a bit about why I didn’t achieve some goals in the past and I realised a few things. I believe many of these reasons would be the same or similar for most of you as well (please comment below if you agree!)

  1. I achieve goals IF I’m asked to do them by someone important at work or at a university. So if a lecturer tells me to write a 5,000-word essay in 3 weeks, I’ll write a 5,000-word essay within 3 weeks. I asked for an extension a few times while studying my two degrees and working at the same time but an extension meant 3-7 additional days. No more. If I tell myself to write 2,000 words in 2 weeks sometimes it may take me 2 or 4 months!

I keep postponing my deadlines because they are MY deadlines. It’s kind of understandable. If I don’t perform well at work, I may lose my job and have no income for a while. If I don’t execute my own goals ‘nothing’ really happens … except that my well-being will probably decrease and I’ll feel like a failure. I’ll also complain about not being able to achieve my aims, and get all sorts of negative thoughts about not progressing much and staying at the same point of my personal growth for too long.

It’s quite disappointing that actually many of us don’t take our own personal objectives seriously enough. We don’t think of ourselves and our aims as priorities and complete them only when everything else is done. I must admit it’s difficult, especially for a working parent, to manage to do a lot when each day has only 24 hours but I’m confident that this can be improved. I don’t believe in making excuses because most people on the Earth DON’T have perfect conditions, resources and circumstances. Yet, some are more disciplined, consistent and perhaps stubborn, and are able to achieve what they want to and dream about!

  1. I’m too strict and I tend to expect too much from myself. I plan and want to do too many tasks in too short a time without thinking much about all the unpredictable things that can happen in life.

I’ve been impressed with writer Gretchen Rubin’s goal to blog 6 days a week. It’s actually a very challenging task, especially if you are a working parent. You may simply not feel well enough some days. Sometimes I don’t have any Me Time at all! HOWEVER, as with everything, I’ve learnt that there is actually a solution for such a problem! My friend (talented author Carol Browne – please see her blog here ) taught me that anyone can schedule their blog posts. How great is that!

I believe I can still expect QUITE a lot from myself but then I also need to:

be more self-disciplined,

try to work smarter and harder

and have a bit more flexible approach which means:

  • to review goals and action plans, e.g. on a weekly basis, think of ways of how to change them to make them work better
  • and try out more consistently various productivity tips.

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    3. Fear is another big factor. Consciously or sub-consciously I don’t always believe that I’m good enough, that I have enough knowledge or skills or qualifications to do something I enjoy doing. So yes, there is fear of not being able to do my goals to the standard that I want (perfectionism!). I wouldn’t say it aloud much but surely there is some fear of criticism and some days I  lack of confidence while working on my goals! It’s difficult to be highly motivated all the time especially when you don’t see progress quickly. Then you lose focus and try to find the reasons as to why your goals haven’t been achieved yet … But – everything worth doing takes time – they say.

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4. Most of the time I didn’t have an action plan at all, let alone a good one. The idea of writing down goals and steps/actions in the form of an action plan always sounded a bit ridiculous to me … BUT there has been a lot of research which proves that people who write their goals down and who have action plans are A LOT more likely to achieve their objectives.

5. Often I used to think I work hard on my goals but when I think about it now I can      see that I didn’t put enough effort in, or I stopped doing some of the tasks and taking action for days, weeks or even months (!) due to other commitments (work, family, taking care of the house). How can you achieve anything if you work in such an ineffective way?

Phew … It was really difficult to get to the bottom of the issue and to find out why I don’t achieve some of my personal goals. The answers aren’t always as straightforward as we think they may be. This didn’t feel like a very comfortable task but it’s definitely something that finally HAD TO be done in order for me to better myself and consider how I can achieve my goals in the coming year.

 

13 Reasons You Are Failing At Life And Becoming A Bum

If your life is not where you expected it to be then there are plenty of reasons why. Today I’m going to explore a few of them with you so that you can get clear on what’s holding you back.

Once we’ve uncovered where your weak points are it’s then time for you to get to work on yourself. It’s time to make some breakthroughs and commit to a few small steps each day to turn your life around.

Below are 13 reasons you are failing at life:


1. You haven’t faced a dominating fear

There is one single fear that drives you more than anything else. You already know what that fear is and unless you make a decision to face it, you’ll never succeed at the level that fulfills you.

Punch that damn fear in the face and you’ll experience a high that is very hard to come down from. All of your barriers will suddenly not seem too frightening after all. Come on let’s do this!


2. You are not motivated by anything

If you are living your life and are not motivated or inspired by a single thing, then you’ve got problems my friend.

There needs to be something that sends shivers down your spine and gives you motivation. We all have this in our life, but many of us have never stopped to think about what causes these goosebump moments.

Find something that gets you excited and that you love doing. Try everything if you have to, just don’t stop until you uncover something that motivates you.


3. You let external forces control you

Is your boss telling you what to do every day? Is your life controlled by the bills you have to pay and your mortgage? These external factors will cripple your success if you allow everyone else to tell you what should be most important to you.

We all have bills to pay and the need to make an income, just don’t let that take over your entire life.


4. You give in to temptation

Are you one of those fat people on Friday night that drown themselves in pizza and beer to try and get happy? Stop giving in to your temptations all the time and have some discipline. You can’t have the life of a millionaire if you let simple little pleasures take you off the main game.

Marketers are experts at tempting us with items we don’t need and unless we become conscious of their tricks, and learn to say no, we’ll all continue to fail at life together.


5. You listen to anyone with an opinion

A friend of mine once said to me “Tim, opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.” My friend is right we all have an opinion on every subject, but that doesn’t mean it’s a valuable one. People will always tell you what they think you should do, but they are not you.

Yes, you should take advice from others, just make sure you make your own decisions and don’t rely on everyone else to tell you what to do.

“There are so many perceived experts in this world that are nothing more than used car salesman with a cheap suit”


6. You are lazy

Getting out of bed is the first sign each morning that you are on top of your game or as lazy as an elephant on Sunday morning. Action is what will help you to succeed at life. If you can’t be stuffed getting up and having a go, then you will never get anywhere.

It’s time to get up off your butt and put the hours in. It’s time to work five times harder than you currently are and to find some new inspiration.


7. You don’t keep a tidy bedroom

No, I’m not your mom trying to tell you how to live your life. Having a tidy bedroom will tell you that you’re in control and it will keep your mind clear. It’s very hard to do your best work when there is stuff everywhere.

Success is about discipline and keeping a tidy bedroom is part of that regime. Pick the clothes up off the floor and stop living like a slob.


8. You continually put other people down

The easiest thing in the world is to criticise people for something they’re doing. Go to any major sporting game, and you’ll see plenty of people screaming at the players and telling them how bad they are at their chosen sport.

Putting people down is a fantastic way to fail at life. Forget about what everyone else is doing and focus on how you can be better at life. Instead of tearing people down and telling them all the things they’re horrible at, try giving them some inspiration and honoring their work.

The aim of the game is to build people up and find ways to give them constructive feedback that will help them.


9. You can’t stop swearing

Yes, I swear sometimes, and you probably do too. Don’t be a drunken sailor though and make it a habit of using bad language consistently. All you do by swearing too often is show people that you’re not in control and that you don’t have pride in yourself.

Sometimes swearing is needed to drive a point home or demonstrate a certain level of intensity. Most of the time, swearing is not required and serves no purpose.


10. You don’t take pride in the way you dress

How you present yourself is important. If your beard is always overgrown and you smell like you just rolled around in the urinal of a bathroom, no one is going to take you seriously. Take pride in your appearance and don’t be afraid to show your individuality at the same time.

Think about how you come across and know that when you dress well, you feel good too. Putting on a freshly dry-cleaned suit and your best tie makes you feel phenomenal. There doesn’t even need to be any good reason to dress up.


11. You wake up too late

One trait of ultra successful people is that they typically wake up very early. The average time I have measured is 5 am. The earlier you rise, the quicker you can start your day, and the more time you’ll have to get your to-do list done. Sleeping in late is hurting your success.

12. You never help others

When was the last time you did something for someone else without any good reason? You’ll fail at life if you don’t understand that giving makes the world go round. The more you help others, the more you’ll get what you want.

There doesn’t even need to be a reason to do something nice for someone. Learn to take up positive habits like helping others because of the standard that it forces you to uphold. Raise your standards by committing to kindness.


13. You think you’re already successful

So you’re one of those chumps that already thinks’ they’re successful. You might have the fancy car and the briefcase full of money, but that doesn’t make you successful. What’s holding you back is that you think you’ve already achieved everything. You haven’t.

When you reach a level of self-mastery that makes people give you a standing ovation when you walk in the room and fills their eyes with tears, then we can talk about your success. Until then, it’s time to go back to the drawing board and remember that there is always more room to grow.

Put your ego to rest young padawan there’s still plenty more to learn.

TO ACHIEVE – How To Stop Letting Others Dictate Your Worth

How To Stop Letting Others Dictate Your Worth

What matters to an active man is to do the right thing; whether the right thing comes to pass should not bother him. — Goethe

Belisarius is one of the greatest yet unknown military generals in all of history. His name has been so obscured and forgotten by history that he makes the under appreciated General George Marshall seem positively famous. At least they named the Marshall Plan after George. As Rome’s highest ranking commander under the Byzantine emperor Justinian, Belisarius saved Western civilization on at least three occasions. As Rome collapsed and the seat of the empire moved to Constantinople, Belisarius was the only bright light in a dark time for Christianity.

He won brilliant victories at Dara, Carthage, Naples, Sic­ily, and Constantinople. He saved a cowardly Justinian from a riotous mob. He reclaimed far flung territories and recaptured Rome for the first time since it fell — all before he was 40.

His thanks? He was not given public triumphs. Instead, he was repeatedly placed under suspicion by the paranoid emperor he served. His victories and sacrifices were undone with bad politics. Later, he was relieved of command. His only remaining title was the deliberately humiliating “Commander of the Royal Stable.” Oh, and at the end of his illustrious career, Belisarius was stripped of his wealth, and according to the legendblinded, and forced to beg in the streets to survive.

Historians, scholars, and artists have lamented and argued about this treatment for centuries. Like all fair­ minded people, they’re outraged at the stupidity, the ungratefulness, and injustice that this great and unusual man was subjected to. The one person we don’t hear complaining about any of this? Not at the time, not at the end of his life, not even in private letters: Belisarius himself.

Ironically, as the head of the army he likely could have taken the throne on numerous occasions, though it appears he was never even tempted. While the Emperor Justinian fell prey to all the vices of absolute power — control, paranoia, selfishness, greed — we see none in Belisarius. Belisarius just did his job. He did it well. That was enough for him.

In life, there will be times when we do everything right, perhaps even perfectly. Yet the results will somehow be negative: failure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world.

Depending on what motivates us, this response can be crushing. If ego holds sway, we’ll accept nothing less than full appreciation.

A dangerous attitude because when someone works on a project — whether it’s a book or a business or otherwise — at a certain point, that thing leaves their hands and enters the realm of the world. It is judged, received, and acted on by other people. It stops being something he controls and it depends on them.

Belisarius could win his battles. He could lead his men. He could determine his personal ethics. He could not control whether his work was appreciated or whether it aroused suspicion. He had no ability to control whether a powerful dictator would treat him well.

This reality rings essentially true for everyone in every kind of life. What was so special about Belisarius was that he accepted the bargain. Doing the right thing was enough. Serving his country, his God, and doing his duty faithfully was all that mattered. Any adversity could be endured and any rewards were considered extra.

Which is good, because not only was he often not rewarded for the good he did, he was punished for it. That seems galling at first. Indignation is the reaction we’d have if it happened to us or someone we know. What was his alternative? Should he have done the wrong thing instead?

We are all faced with this same challenge in the pursuit of our own goals: Will we work hard for something that can be taken away from us? Will we invest time and energy even if an outcome is not guaranteed? With the right motives we’re willing to proceed. With ego, we’re not.

It takes humility to admit that we have only minimal control over the rewards for our work and effort — other people’s validation, recognition, rewards.

Think of all the activists who will find that they can only advance their cause so far. The leaders who are assassinated before their work is done. The inventors whose ideas languish “ahead of their time.” According to society’s main metrics, these people were not rewarded for their work. Should they have not done it? Should they not be kind, not work hard, not produce, because there is a chance it wouldn’t be reciprocated? C’mon.

Yet in ego, every one of us has considered doing precisely that. Wanted to say: “Fuck ’em, they don’t appreciate me anyway.”

It’s far better (and more resilient) when doing good work is sufficient. In other words, the less attached we are to outcomes the better.

When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self respect. When the effort — not the results, good or bad — is enough.

With ego, this is not nearly sufficient. No, we need to be recognized. We need to be compensated. Especially problematic is the fact that, often, we get that. We are praised, we are paid, and we start to assume that the two things always go together. The “expectation hangover” inevitably ensues.

It calls to mind the encounter Alexander the Great and the famous Cynic philosopher Diogenes. Allegedly, Alexander approached Diogenes, who was lying down, enjoying the summer air, and stood over him and asked what he, the most powerful man in the world, might be able to do for this notoriously poor man. Diogenes could have asked for anything. What he requested was epic: “Stop blocking my sun.” Even two thousand years later we can feel exactly where in the solar plexus that must have hit Alexander, a man who always wanted to prove how important he was. As the author Robert Louis Stevenson later observed about this meeting, “It is a sore thing to have labored along and scaled arduous hilltops, and when all is done, find humanity indifferent to your achievement.”

Well, get ready for it. It will happen. Maybe your parents will never be impressed. Maybe your girlfriend won’t care. Maybe the investor won’t see the numbers. Maybe the audience won’t clap. But we have to be able to push through. We can’t let that be what motivates us.

Belisarius had one last run. He was found innocent of the charges and his honors restored — just in time to save the empire as a white haired old man.

Except no, life is not a fairy tale. He was again wrongly suspected of plotting against the emperor. In the famous Longfellow poem about our poor general, at the end of his life he is impoverished and disabled. Yet he concludes with great strength:

This, too, can bear; — I still Am Belisarius!

You will be unappreciated. You will be sabotaged. You will experience surprising failures. Your expectations will not be met. You will lose. You will fail.

How do you carry on then? How do you take pride in yourself and your work? John Wooden’s advice to his players says it: Change the definition of success. “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” “Ambition,” Marcus Aurelius reminded himself, “means tying your well-being to what other people say or do . . . Sanity means tying it to your own actions.” Do your work. Do it well. Then “let go and let God.“ That’s all there needs to be.

Recognition and rewards — those are just extra. Rejection, that’s on them, not on us. John Kennedy Toole’s great book A Confederacy of Dunces was universally turned down by publishers, news that so broke his heart that he later committed suicide in his car on an empty road in Biloxi, Mississippi. After his death, his mother discovered the book, advocated on its behalf until it was published, and it eventually won the Pulitzer Prize.

Think about that for a second. What changed between those submissions? Nothing. The book was the same. It was equally great when Toole had it in manuscript form and had fought with editors about it as it was when the book was published, sold copies, and won awards. If only he could have realized this, it would have saved him so much heartbreak. He couldn’t, but from his painful example we can at least see how arbitrary many of the breaks in life are.

This is why we can’t let externals determine whether something was worth it or not. It’s on us.

The world is, after all, indifferent to what we humans “want.” If we persist in wanting, in needing, we are simply setting ourselves up for resentment or worse.

Doing the work is enough.