How to Overcome the Fear of Failure

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Fear doesn’t discriminate.

Regardless if you made it to the top, you just joined a successful team or are considering launching your new venture — everyone is afraid of failing.

Fear is hardwired into us. It won’t go away — it’s a needed defense mechanism for survival. However, you can learn to distinguish real from imagined attacks.

Fear of failure is the anxiety you experience when you imagine all the horrible things that could happen. You put your creative juices to work against you instead of on your behalf — by imagining infinite threats your mind gets you paralyzed.

When was the last time you failed?

When I ask this question on a workshop, most participants avoid answering. Acknowledging our own failure is like having a rare disease. No one wants to be on the spot. Ironically, the fear of failure can cause more pain than failure itself.

Many people are so scared of failing that they get stuck. The fear of failure is the most significant obstacle that stands between you and your achievements.

Your success depends on your ability to conquer, not your fears, but your idea of failure.

Anxiety drives confusion. One question helps me regain clarity and overcome the fear of failing.

Dance with fear, not with anxiety

“It is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid.” — Publius Syrus

Fear is an emotional response to a threat in the present — for instance, if you are caught in a fire or being bullied by a colleague. It’s a natural response to an attack that can be either perceived or real.

Anxiety is emotional anticipation — it’s the thought of something going wrong in the future, not now. Health professionals use the term ‘anxiety’ to describe a persistent fear or a chronic sense of worry, the sources of which seem unclear.

We can see what we are afraid of; anxiety clouds our vision.

When all your negative fantasies are being projected in front of you, it’s hard to see things clearly. Either you tame your thoughts, or they will eat you alive, as I wrote here.

Anxiety will get you stuck; fear will keep you in motion.

As Seth Godin says: “Dance with fear. As you dance, you realize that fear is, in fact, a compass — it’s giving you a hint that you are onto something. Even though there is that possibility of failure, the fear-as-compass pushes you to persistently, consistently, and generously bring your creative work forward.”

If you want a different outcome, start by changing your mentality.

When your expectations are too high, your fears become bigger and bigger. Worrying about the future is pointless too — most things are out of your control. Focus on what you can manage, not on the infinite possibilities that might occur (or not).

What the worst thing that can happen?

We don’t fear to do stuff; we fear the outcome because we can’t control it. Failing makes us vulnerable — we feel exposed to other people’s judgment. However, that speculation prevents you from living life to its fullest.

I use a simple mantra to defuse the fear of failure.

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

That simple question has helped me deal with anxiety and uncertainty throughout my life. It allows me to recover clarity too, especially in the darkest hours.

Regardless if I was planning to move to a new country or thinking to start my own firm, this mantra allowed me to distinguish real from imaginary threats. And to focus on the now rather than getting stuck anticipating the future.

That’s the most powerful thing about asking yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen. Most of the times, you’ll realize that most scenarios are not as bad as you feel.

Every time I ask that question, it reminds me of similar situations I faced in the past. Though the challenges and what’s at stake are different, there’s always a common theme: I don’t know how things will turn until they happen.

So, what’s the point of worrying?

You are probably thinking this sound too simplistic. That’s okay. I will give you some practical steps to put this into practice in a second. However, before you write a simple method off, consider the following. Overcomplication drives worries and anxiety — we start overthinking potential outcomes and then get paralyzed.

Simplicity is the antidote to overcomplicating.

Bertrand Russell, in The Conquest of Happiness, recommends dealing with worry through the cultivation of right attitudes.

“A process can be adopted with regard to anxieties. When some misfortune threatens, consider seriously and deliberately what is the very worst that could possibly happen. Having looked at this possible misfortune in the face, give yourself sound reasons for thinking that after all, it would be no such very terrible disaster. Such reasons always exist, since at the worst nothing that happens to oneself has any cosmic importance.” — the British philosopher wrote.

We need to rewire our brain to avoid overthinking from making us more anxious. Realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around us, as Russel suggested, removes the need to be in control. It invites you to take a more relaxed approach to life.

Fear is just one of the many emotions you have. Use your other feelings to offset being taken hostage by what you are afraid of.

Five ways to overcome the fear of failure

“First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” — Dale Carnegie

1. Distinguish real versus imagined fears

Asking what’s the worst thing that can happen is not a magic cure. It’s a first step towards finding clarity. You need to stop worrying and focus on the root cause.

Write down all the potential scenarios. Avoid exaggerating — the goals is to focus on probable situations, not to test your creativity. Categorize the answers in real and imagined fears. Discard the latter. This exercise requires practice until you build confidence.

Master your fears, or you’ll become their servant.

Bertrand Russell said: “Worry is a form of fear, and all forms of fear produce fatigue. The proper course with every kind of fear is to think about it rationally and calmly, but with great concentration, until it has been completely familiar.”

2. Don’t idealize life

If we expect life to be perfect, we will always be afraid of leaving our cocoon.

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology demonstrated that when we have a too optimistic vision of our future, we become less energized and accomplish less also. That’s because we are not prepared to face struggles.

Life is not perfect; it’s not bad either — happiness requires embracing balance.

The same research has shown that successful people visualize a positive outcome, but also acknowledge future obstacles — the real ones, not the imagined ones.

3. Experience is about learning, not just achieving

If it’s hard to define what success looks like, what’s the point of defining failure then? Life is not perfect — there’s no point in trying to anticipate the future correctly.

When you focus on the outcome — what you want to achieve — you get distracted from playing your best game.

Winning is an outcome, focus on playing at your best.

There’s no such a thing as a perfect decision. A right decision made at the wrong time won’t do you any good either. Minimize risk by making decisions in small doses now. You can always course correct.

4. Standing still is more dangerous

Fear is not the enemy; paralysis is. The world will continue its natural course even if you don’t do anything. That’s the most hazardous part of standing still — everyone around you will move on as you keep rehashing things over and over.

Fear is a signal for you to wake up. What is the universe trying to tell you?

The world keeps changing even if you stay put. Failing to adapt can be more dangerous than experimenting with something new.

5. Defeat is temporary

Nothing lasts forever. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said:“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”

Mistakes are learning opportunities. Life requires a trial and error approach. We don’t come to this world with instructions manuals; we create our own as we live.

You battle the fear of failure every day.

Anticipation is the need to have the answers before you know what the questions are. Don’t let anxiety get in your way. Babies learn to walk because they don’t know there’s a thing called failure — they follow their instinct to get back on their feet again and keep trying.


The best way to overcome fear is by not being conquered by it.

Fear is a signal that something might happen. There’s no need to overreact. The future is uncertain because it’s meant to be designed on the go, not lived in advance.

Fear is not the enemy; paralysis is.

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Mood And Your Life (Stop Doing These)

Photo by Tina Rolf on Unsplash

12 Common Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Mood And Your Life (Stop Doing These)

I mean, come on … you deserve better than this.


“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” — A Bronx Tale

Self-sabotage is a helluva drug. You can’t get high from it, but it willbring you down. It’s generally an addiction we don’t recognize until it’s far too late — we lose a job, napalm a relationship, run into trouble with the law, find ourselves hospitalized, run out of Doctor Who episodes to binge-watch.

It’s a low-grade chronic illness that can, if you’re not careful, bloom into something more sinister: 18.1% of Americans have some kind of Anxiety Disorder. (I’m in that 18.1%.) 6.7% of Americans have had a major depressive episode. (I’m also in that 6.7%.) It can be very challenging to see the signs, get the appropriate diagnosis and treatment, and follow through. That’s not to say you’re at fault if you fall into one (or both) of those buckets — clinical anxiety and depression are often caused by something outside the locus of your control.

What’s vital, though, whether you battle clinical mental health challenges or you’re just not optimally satisfied with your life, or you’re just feeling blue or experiencing existential dread a bit more regularly and seriously than you’d like, is to do the following: Take ownership of your happiness. Or, as much ownership as you can. (You do not control your mood 100%, I cannot stress this enough.) You owe it to yourself to wrestle back command of how you think and how you feel. The world is shitty enough — you don’t need to help it along by compounding it with boneheaded life choices.

So, consider the following listicle (hell yeah, clickbait!) to be a quick checklist. A sort of “mood troubleshooter.” I’ve arranged these sabotaging patterns in order from easiest to most challenging to un-break, just like you would when diagnosing the causes of a broke-down vehicle or a busted laptop (you typically start with “turn the computer off, then turn it on again” as a first-line treatment for PC issues, and venture into more complex solutions from there).

The human brain is a machine. It requires diagnostics, maintenance and repairs. I’ll even walk you through what I do to keep myself feeling somewhat better than profoundly miserable. This is no substitute for qualified medical or psychiatric care, but treating these 12 common challenges may keep your brain out of the “shop” for a while. Let’s go.


1. You’re Not Drinking Enough Water

Feeling sluggish? Feeling a little down? Perhaps you should try water — the original miracle elixir. Dehydration has been shown to have negative impact on short-term memory and attentionmood, cognitive and motor skills. How much should you drink? Probably more than you currently are. Estimates range that between 43% — 75% of Americans don’t drink enough of it.

My solution: I have a 1.5L bottle that I fill with water — once in the morning, and once after lunch. That’s 3L, or roughly 12 glasses. That’s plenty, and more polite than hogging the drinking fountain for several minutes at a time.


2. You’re Surrounded By Clutter

Does your desk look like an Office Depot stock room? Does your place look like it’s been hit by an F4 Tornado? Does your car look like you’ve been on tour with a jam band for the summer? Guess what: It’s probably stressing you out. Clutter overwhelms us with visual stimuli, distracts us, causes us feelings of guilt and shame, makes it difficult to relax, and makes it hard for us to find what we need to satisfy our needs at any given point. (You know this if you’ve ever tried in vain to find your keys or remote.) Plus, you know … who’s going to want to come back to your place when it looks like you live in squalor.

My solution: I clean my condo for 20 minutes per day in the morning. I clean my desk every Friday before I leave for the weekend. I wash and clean my car for 20 minutes on Saturday mornings, and then I deep clean my condo for 50 minutes right after.


3. You’re Not Getting Enough Sun

Humans are solar powered. Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, and it’s in the DSM-5. The sun provides valuable vitamin D that prevents it. Natural light increases serotonin and melatonin, which helps aid your circadian rhythm and increases the quality and quantity of your sleep. Plus, you could probably use a little color before you hit the beach this summer, Chad. And you don’t need a ton of natural light, either. 10–15 consecutive minutes will do just fine!

My solution: I live in Austin, Texas. It’s located a mere three highway interchanges down from the actual sun. So every morning, I go outside and get my sunlight in by … oh … let’s not spoil #4. (Most people I know just wake up and walk their dog. Or cat. Or llama. That’s enough.)


4. You’re Not Moving Enough

When you’re stressed and anxious and miserable, the last thing you want to do is walk into a room full of beautiful people, hit the row machine, and wheeze through 30 minutes on an elliptical while the Advocare crew lovingly cheers each other on at the TRX. I get it. I wrote about how hard that can be. That said, holy shit, is exercise a high-ROI way to supercharge your brain in both the short-term and long-term. Exercise has been shown to improve (deep breath here): memory, mood, inflammation, structural brain health, sleep, anxiety, stress, brain size, cognition, learning ability.

My solution: I have a really sick Spotify playlist with like 150 songs. Every morning, I put that shit on shuffle, run for five songs, turn around and walk back. Sometimes I’ll go to the gym on my way back, but let’s not get carried away.

(UPDATE: Here is that playlist.)


5. You’re Not Having Enough Fun

Social isolation is the express lane to things like agoraphobia, depression and alcoholism, pain, chronic fatigue and poor health. Somewhat unrelated: always keeping yourself on the straight and narrow causes ego depletion — the fancy term for sapping up all your willpower and discipline — which causes you to lose your self control later. And, finally, looking forward to something has been shown to improve mood and impulse control. All of these things can be treated with regularly-scheduled, metered doses of what the scientists like to call “fun.”

My solution: On Mondays of every week, I schedule dates — either friend-dates or more-than-friend-dates —for every Thursday evening and for Saturdays after I’m done with my chores. I try to hike or golf with a friend every Sunday morning. After any vacation I take, I immediately schedule another one to look forward to. I get that this shit isn’t workable for everyone. Also: if you can have (enthusiastically consensual) sex, you should — as often and as kinkily as possible.


6. You’re Not Eating Enough Plants

Look, your mom’s been telling you “eat your vegetables” since before kale and acai bowls became trendy. In addition to living longer and healthier lives, herbivores tend to suffer from less depression, anxiety and fatigue. They’re less sluggish, too, because they’re not consuming big-ass sugar-bomb, carb-bomb meals that divert energy to the GI tract, and away from your brain — where you could be using it to be productive for once in your goddamned life.

My solution: My breakfast, every morning, is juice. My dinner, every night (if I am eating alone), is a salad.

Sidenote: My baseline diet largely consists of: mushroom, squash, spinach, avocado, banana, lemon, blueberry, tomato, chia seed, hemp seed, black beans, chickpeas, almonds, pistachios, salmon, tuna, shrimp, scallop, feta, pecorino, olive oil, coconut oil, garlic, honey, basil, eggs, mint, cilantro, dill, rosemary, turmeric, salt, and pepper. You would be shocked how many combinations of foods and cuisines you can make with just those things.


7. You’re On Your Smartphone Too Much

The data is out. Our phones are making us miserable. All that time you spend scrolling your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds wondering why all your friends have beautiful kids and Nantucket vacations while you’re binge-eating pizza and bemoaning your stupid-ass coach’s decision to go for it on fourth-and-9? It’s lowering your life satisfaction. Unless you’re using each platform to truly connect one-on-one with people and build real-world friendships, they aren’t helping. Plus, the world’s a grease-fire right now, and engulfing yourself in negative news is making you mentally ill. Plus, your smartphone emits that dreaded blue light that disrupts your sleep patterns.

My solution: I deleted Facebook and Twitter from my phone. I also put away my phone after 10 on weeknights, unless I’m texting or talking to someone important. I also sometimes throw my phone into a lake or drop it from a balcony.


8. You’re Drinking Too Much Booze

Drinking is dope AF. I love it. It’s a social lubricant, temporarily enhances joy in moderation, and is the liquid courage I need to play music shows without wondering why everyone’s staring at me so uncomfortably. It’s also fucking terrible for your brain if you do it too much. And, for a long time, I did. In addition to the potentially embarrassing things you do while drunk, the day after drinking you might find yourself with an inability to concentrate, depressed mood, disinterest in basic upkeep, impaired mental performance, impaired memory, verbal deficits and a shit-ton more that keeps you from humming on all cylinders.

My solution: If you’re going to drink, drink 2–3 servings of beer, wine or liquor max to avoid that hangover. When I stopped drinking my usual 10–15 drinks each night, my mood stabilized within one week, improved within three weeks, and I lost 35 pounds in seven weeks. I also remembered I left the oven on.


9. You’re Smoking Too Much

I don’t think I need to tell you how bad smoking is for your lungs. But what about your mind? Studies show smoking damages the brain, particularly in the areas of working memory and executive function — again, things that keep you from firing on all cylinders.

My solution: I’m addicted to mint-flavored nicotine lozenges. Whatever, Judgey McJudgeface, it’s still better than lung cancer.


10. You’re Not In The Flow State

You ever do something and lose track of time and sense of self? Like when you’re learning something, and that thing equally challenges and rewards you? That’s called Flow State, and getting there is the key to both mastery and bliss. It decreases stress and increases satisfaction, self-esteem and self-efficacy — and it’s effects don’t wear off until long after you stop doing whatever put you there.

My solution: I write every day. I golf or rock climb once a week. For you, try practicing new skills that stimulate your mind and body. Tetris works. So does Chess. So does skiing. So does salsa dancing. So does shelling. (Which, alright, Ethel.)


11. You’re Not Maintaining Your Brain

We put gas in our cars. We change the oil. We flush the transmission. We change the tires. We take the engine in for tune-ups. We treat our cars better than we treat our minds. Often, we won’t seek to optimize our mental health until someone else tells us to, or until someone leaves us, or until the pain is too great to bear, or until our life becomes a fucking Joy Division B-side. Don’t let it get to that point. An ounce of preventative maintenance is worth a pound of cure.

My solution: Weekly yoga (Sundays), weekly guided meditation (Headspace app and also at a zen temple), 13 consecutive weeks of therapy or life-coaching every year.


12. You’re Hanging Out With The Wrong People

Elle Kaplan is smart AF. I’m painfully average. So I’ll let her take it away from here: “Research has shown that … negative attitudes can also affect your intelligence and ability to think … negativity compromises the effectiveness of the neurons in the hippocampus — an important area of the brain responsible for reasoning and memory.”

In short: your negative, uncomfortable social circle is bringing your mood and cognition down. Who you chill with affects your level of chill.

My solution: I delete all my text messages weekly, so I have to actively choose who to continue communicating with. I purge my 20% of my Facebook friend list every three months and keep it around 500. I don’t make plans with anyone that doesn’t excite me. Every year, I pick 10 people I admire who I set out to get to know better, and then I do exactly that. (Sometimes they disappoint, but more often than not, they surprise and delight.) Also, treat your family like casual friends. (Shout-out to Jessica Wildfire for that gem.)


DoI do all these things above all the time? Hell nah, B. Like I said at the top, my mind is a neurotic mess. But I do most of these things most of the time, and that’s made a world of difference. I can make it through a work-day without napping or skipping a meeting. I can make it through a week without coming home to a pile of pizza boxes. I can head to the function and engage in conversations that don’t sound like the Nihilist Arby’s twitter. Sometimes that’s all we’re looking for — those small victories that help us feel a little happier, a little more stable, and a little less likely to rage at the next motherfucker who brings their checkbook to a supermarket express cash-out.

Life’s better than you think it is, and if you can gain mastery over your mind, you’ll be able to more fully appreciate the full scope of its beauty, possibility, and grand cosmic meaninglessness of being just specks of space dust on a space rock that’s too small for the universe to notice. Pursue your dreams, anyway. Eat Arby’s.

Fair Fighting Rules for Relationships

By Dr. Perry, PhD

 

Man and Woman Hugging Each Other Near Body of Water

 

 

“An eye for an eye will only make the world blind” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Arguments and relationships go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. Unfortunately, arguments are not as sweet as jelly and don’t go over as smooth as peanut butter. When we argue with our loved ones, it is important to remember that it’s not necessary to deliver a knock out blow. Think of the argument as a heart to heart conversation and not a bare-knuckle showdown.

Here are some simple steps to remember when arguing:

1. Pause
Before you engage in an argument with your loved one, take a moment to reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself, “Why are you upset?” Are you really upset because he or she was late or could it be your partner has not been giving you enough attention? It is important to know why you are upset so you can communicate this clearly.

2. Discuss one issue at a time 
Once you clarify your feelings you can begin to discuss why you are upset. Many times in the heat of the moment we bring up past digressions and end up arguing about something else entirely except the matter at hand. Try to keep the argument about the current disconnect by remembering to discuss one issue at a time.

3. No degrading language
Discuss the issue, not the person. All attempts must be made to keep the conversation civil. It is important to avoid name calling, swearing or put-downs. Keep in mind that negative words are a manifestation of negative feelings. There is never a good enough reason to call your partner a derogatory name. There are unpardonable words that can leave a partner feeling emotionally scarred making it harder for them to receive your love. Remember, this is someone you love and you really do not want to hurt them.

4. Express yourself
Use words to express how you feel and take responsibility for those feelings. Start your statements with ” I.” I feel angry. I feel hurt. By starting statements with “I” you are able to connect with your words with your emotions. Avoid using statements beginning with “You.” Statements starting with “You” tend to make the other person feel attacked which often leads them to shut down emotionally.

5. Take turns talking 
It is important to take turns speaking. Once you have had your turn, it is important to listen to what your partner has to say. If this is difficult, use a timer and a set amount of time for each person to speak. You can also designate an item to use like a talking stick. Whoever holds the item can speak. Just make sure you remember to pass the item! The talking stick method has been used for hundreds of years by indigenous people. The “Talking stick” can be any object.

6. Knock down the walls
Stonewalling is the refusal to communicate or express emotions. It is very common during conflicts. People often do this when they want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or prefer not to engage in an emotional discussion that may lead to a fight. Stonewalling can include a refusal to discuss feelings or walking out of a conversation. When you are both in a “sober emotional state,” make a pact with one another that you will not stonewall and will engage in a meaningful discussion no matter how challenging it may be. If one of you feels the issue warrants a discussion, the other person must respect the request by engaging and listening.

7. No Yelling
It may feel great to unleash your frustration on your partner by yelling at them, but many times this only adds fuel to the fire. When a person is yelled at, they tend to yell back in self-defense. This often results in an escalation of self-defensive responses from both parties. Yelling typically results in further alienation and frustration. Sometimes, a partner will not engage in the yelling but will passively accept the treatment. This only leads to fostering resentment by the person being yelled at. Remember, remain calm and use words to make your point, not volume.

8. Take a timeout
In a perfect world, we would all be able to communicate effectively with each other and have no need for rules. You are not expected to print up this page and follow each step while you are arguing. This is not a script for the perfect fight. In the real world, voices will be raised and perhaps a few hurtful words will be used. When you feel that the temperature is rising, take a time out until both parties cool off. Agree on a time to continue the conversation. It is important to agree on another meeting to continue the discussion so one or both parties do not attempt to stonewall.

9. Compromise 
If you reach an impasse in the argument, try to come to a compromise. If you can’t reach a compromise then agree to disagree. Try to understand each other’s point of view. Discussing and attempting to understand will help soothe negative feelings. Communication is one of the strongest pillars of the house of love, so it is important to reinforce and strengthen this skill whenever possible. Good luck! If you found this post helpful please don’t forget to like, comment and share!

The Art of the Good Life

Woman Wearing Red, Purple, and Pink Floral V-neck Cap-sleeved Dress Drinking Through Clear Wine Glass

Photo by nappy from Pexels

 

A person’s words often reflect the condition of their heart.


Since the days of yore, I’ve harrowed ad nauseam to lead a fulfilling life. Success formulas were embedded, healthy rituals ingrained and I even let some spontaneity run wild, yet — for reasons indistinguishable by my panoramic view— fulfillment eluded me. There was always somethingmissing.

I hurried through life, exacerbating what it means to acquire knowledge and experience —arming myself with weapons of cognition and recklessly catapulting myself into situations I had no business taking on, but knew others could bail me out of. I wanted the scars, the notches on the belt, the lapel pins, without any of the suffering. Essentially a drawn-out narrative with well-timed, strategic pivots right before shit hit the fan. I felt if I had a spellbinding story, I would be able to leverage it beyond the point of unremarkable existence.

But therein lies the problem. It wasn’t an unremarkable existence, but an unremarkable purpose. Swimming in an ocean of opinions, surmounted by tidal waves of judgment, I lost all sense of what I was even after in life — or why I wanted it.


Once I cut through the layers of my core identity, it became clear that self-worth reigned supreme. All of my efforts were fueled by this compensatory value. Which meant the zenith of my life, if realized, would be merely a sense of security.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with self-worth —it’s actually quite vital. However, given it was at the very top of my list of intrinsic values, it was bound to clash with something more fulfilling. And since I didn’t have any of it at the time, I was constantly acting out of a state of scarcity and fear.

The fear of loneliness — and inability to love myself — led to an anxious-preoccupied attachment style in my romantic relationships. The fear of judgment created dismissive avoidance with my friends. And to develop anything with your family requires you share what’s happening in your life, not just concisely report.

If a person’s heart is full of fear, they will act in an offensive or defensive way — like something’s out to get them.


Uninspired by the character arc within my life’s screenplay, I set out to uproot its formation. I invited my fears to have a drink at the bar. I surveyed the entire assortment of disguises they wore to preclude my awareness. Anger, jealousy, resentment, and bitterness then took a seat at the table.

These impulsive emotions sat in the holster for as long as I could remember. I knew their exact arrival, yet never dare step in front of them. This heightened state gave my life both justification and volition, representative of my life’s ambition to ward off the binary monsters known as insignificance and rejection. Barreling through the depths of the forest however, we cannot see. You cannot know who you really are until you know who you’re really not.

When we identify the purpose of our unwanted yet persisting feelings, the impact lessens. The emotion is not the issue — the ambiguity is. We fear what we don’t understand. Given that my emotional cocktail of choice consisted of mostly bottom-shelf liquor, I opted to level up my standards.

Fear, doubt and suffering are ubiquitous. No one is immune. Our response on the other hand, is very much in our control.

I had to recognize my unconscious flavor of coping — with loneliness, with impermanence, with disapproval, with nothingness. Only at this point did I take a deliberate step towards authenticity, towards who I really was — a vulnerable, hopeful, flawed, resilient human being. It’s here where I truly relates. Where I felt less alone. Where suffering was apportioned and value was contributed universally.

The more you presence yourself to your defensive defaults, the faster you can occlude them. Leaving you far more balanced and whole in your perspective — less and less irritated by things you know won’t matter in the long-run.

What you receive by virtue of this clearing is a quiet mind, where you can finally achieve peace.

A person who is at peace, and grounded within themselves, is left free torespond to life — instead of emotionally reacting to all things that come their way.

Not everyone will come along for the journey but many will find your sense of calm intoxicating. For they were looking for the same thing I was — security. You’ll exude safety, confidence, preparedness, faith, trust, hope, and all the good things.

The good things of the good life.

Best Love Quotations Of All Time

What I have been savoring in the pages of my personal diary!

You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.

— Albert Einstein

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

Quotations, other than being read for pleasure and the ‘this feels so true’ factor, can also help you escalate your relationship!

Just run your eyes down this list, sort out the best one that fits your relationship status and send it to your ‘Special Someone’!

When we come across some quotes that best fits our situation, we often resonate so well that we instantly feel at peace!

So….Get Set Go!

1. The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.

— Unknown

2. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

— Unknown

3. She wasn’t exactly sure when it happened. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way.

— Nicholas Sparks

4. In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don’t force falling in love, you don’t force being in love — you just become. I don’t know how to say that in English, but you just feel it.

— Juan Pablo Galavis

5. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

— Mignon McLaughlin

6. The saddest thing about falling in love is that sooner or later something will go wrong.

— Unknown


“Woman`s hand with a ring on a man`s hand at Nunggalan Beach Nyang Nyang” by Andrew Avdeev on Unsplash

7. Sometimes the person you fall for isn’t ready to catch you.

— Unknown


8. Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride.

— Jackie Collins

9. Falling for him would be like cliff diving. It would be either the most exhilarating thing that ever happened to me or the stupidest mistake I’d ever make.

— Hussein Nishah


10. The bottom line is that we never fall for the person we’re supposed to.

— Jodi Picoult


11. If you’re afraid of getting hurt and feeling severe pain, then avoid falling in love.

— Unknown


12. I was falling. Falling through time and space and stars and sky and everything in between. I feel for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. I fell until I forgot I was falling.

— Jess Rothenberg


13. I think falling in love is always a surprise, right?

— Josh Dallas


14. Each day my love grows deeper, deeper than I never thought before.

— Unknown


15. No one ever fell in love gracefully.

— Connie Brockway


16. Love is a feeling, a feeling of happiness. Love is powerful, too powerful to play with. This feeling is strange and hard to describe, but when you fall in love, you will know it inside.

— Unknown


17. It is better to lock up your heart with a merciless padlock, than to fall in love with someone who doesn’t know what they mean to you.

— Michael Bassey Johnson


18. A priceless moment is when the person that you have fallen in love with, looks you right in the eyes to tells you that they have fallen in love with you.

— Unknown


19. Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

— Helen Rowland


“A white flower called “Love in the mist” blooms against a black background” by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

20. “Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with the same person repeatedly is extraordinary.

— Crystal Woods


21. Love is like a hole; once you fall in, it’s hard to get out.

— Unknown


22. Falling in love doesn’t fall by itself. There is always a desire to take the plunge. Just make sure that love sticks around, to pick you up when you fall.

— Unknown


23. “All I’m saying is that I don’t want to sort of fall in love with fifty different people. I’d rather find one person and fall completely, deeply in over my head.

— Anna White


24. When we’re falling in love or out of it, that’s when we most need a song that says how we feel. Yeah, I write a lot of songs about boys. And I’m very happy to do that.

— Taylor Swift


25. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves

— Unknown


26. Don’t fall in love; rise with it.

— Amit Abraham


27. We never get enough of falling in love and believing in love.

— Shemar Moore


28. I’m not just falling in love with you, I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are.

— Unknown


29. Have you ever watched a leaf leave a tree? It falls upward first, and then it drifts toward the ground, just as I find myself drifting towards you.

— Beth Kephart


“A scene prepared for a wedding with flower bouquets, empty chairs, and an altar” by Shardayyy Photography on Unsplash

30. When two people fall in love, all they can think about is how to build a perfect world around them.

— Unknown


31. There is that awful moment when you realize that you’re falling in love. That should be the most joyful moment, and actually it’s not. It’s always a moment that’s full of fear because you know, as night follows day, the joy is going to rapidly be followed by some pain or other. All the angst of a relationship.

— Helen Mirren


32. The mark of a real man, is a man who can allow himself to fall deeply in love with a woman

— Unknown


33. Isn’t that how falling in love so often works? Some stranger appears out of nowhere and becomes a fixed star in your universe.

— Kate Bolick


34. The greatest wonderful feeling is falling in love.

— Lailah Gifty Akita


35. No one believes in love at first sight until that special person comes along and steals your heart.

— Unknown


36. When you fall head over heels for someone, you’re not falling in love with who they are as a person; you’re falling in love with your idea of love.

— Elisabeth Rohm


37. Don’t try to stop your heart from falling in love, because in the end it may be worth it.

— Fad Ibra


38. She wonders if this is what people call falling in love, the desire to be with someone for every minute of the rest of her life so strong that sometimes she is frightened of herself.

— Yiyun Li


39. Love is like falling down…in the end you’re left hurt, scared, and with a memory of it forever.

— Unknown


40. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. And when you start missing, you’ll eventually fall in love again.

— Vinay Sharma


41. The scary thing about falling for someone is you don’t know whether they will stay or just leave at any given time.

— Emily Tilley


42. When you’re falling in love, you never notice it until you’ve already hit the ground.

— Terry Mark


“Two colorful floral arrangements in tin pails, with cut roses nearby” by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

43. Once you tell someone you love them, you automatically give that person the right to hurt you, and yet you place a trust in them that they won’t tear you apart.

— Abhishek Tiwari


44. Falling in love is a wonderfully terrifying sensation.

— Steve Maraboli


45. If ever you remember me, I will be thankful. If ever yours lips meets mine, I will be grateful. If ever we fall in love, I will be happy. If ever we fall apart, I will be sorry.

— Unknown


46. How can one fall in love? For me, love can only be uplifting…

— Ashok Kallarakkal


47. No one ever fell in love without being a little bit brave.

— Mario Tomasello


48. How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love?

— Daria Snadowsky


49. When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it.

— Unknown


50. I loved him desperately, completely, and he wasn’t threatening to consume me anymore. He already had. Everything that was me was him. My heart, mind and soul all were as much a part of him as they were me.

— Cassandra Giovanni


51. Be careful while falling in love, see that the fall doesn’t kill You.

— Steve Relane


52. Then he kissed her so deeply and so completely that she felt like she was falling, floating, spiraling down, down, down, like Alice in Wonderland.

— Liane Moriarty


53. If you fall in a river, There is a Boat, If you fall in well, There is Rope, But if you fall in LOVE, There is no HOPE.

— Unknown


54. You can’t help who you fall in love with.

— E.L. Montes


55. Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building; your head tells you, ‘Idiot you’re gonna die’ but your heart tells you ‘Don’t worry pretty girl you can fly.’

— Unknown


56. God is such a cruel god
for making you so wonderful,
and for making me so weak.

— Sade Andria Zabala


“Man and woman kissing in a field at La Fresneda, partially obscured by long waving grasses” by Montse Monmo on Unsplash

57. You know you’re falling in love when the feeling of falling actually feels like you’re floating.

— Rashida Rowe


58. Many people do not fall in love; they fall in love with the idea of themselves being in love.

— C. JoyBell


59. To fall in love is very easy, Staying in love is a challenge, Letting go is the hardest part, And moving on is a damn suicide.

— Nishan Panwar


60. There is no greater feeling than falling in love, and no greater pain than when you lose it.

— Unknown


61. When your stomach turns somersaults every time you see your love interest, when you can go without eating for half a day because you can’t think of anything else, and when the sound of her voice blocks out every possible distraction each time you hear it…then logic’s role becomes a very minor one.

— Erik Tomblin


62. I never fall in love, because everything that falls breaks.

— Unknown


63. You know you’re in love the moment you can touch the stars without reaching. -Morgan

— Melisa M. Hamling


64. People should fall in love with their eyes closed.

— Hussein Nishah


65. Today’s problem is that people are quickly falling in love and falling out of it just as quickly.

— Moffat Machingura


67. Love is simple. You just gotta let yourself fall and have faith that someone will be there to catch you.

— Chelsea M. Cameron


68. Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them.

— Unknown


69. Falling in love not only brings excitement and fulfillment; it also creates anxiety and fears of rejection and potential loss.

— Kumar Anupam


Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

70. Because before the time when you’re heartbroken, you get to be in love, and that’s worth it.

— Leila Sales


71. I fell in love with you because there was a mischief in your eyes.

— Michka Assayas


72. You can run away from love but it’ll find you and make you fall into it.

— Unknown


73. I loved you before I even knew the name for it. Everyday I’d sit beside you, inhaling your scent, looking at your beautiful face. Every night, dreaming about you. You eclipsed everything else. It was you. Always you.

— Heather Anastasiu


74. Falling in love doesn’t hurt; it’s the sudden STOP that hurts so much.

— Unknown


75. Falling in love doesn’t always lead to heartbreak, honey. With the right man, it can be a one-way ticket to paradise.

— Catherine Anderson

TRUTHS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

The expression “naked truth” comes from a fable in which Truth and Falsehood went bathing.

Falsehood went and dressed in Truth’s clothes, and Truth, refusing to take another’s clothes, went naked.

When there’s conflict in your life, you don’t make good decisions.

You don’t sleep well, and you end up stressed. You obsessively check your phone waiting for a response. Your mind isn’t in whatever it is you’re doing because you’re too busy weighing pros and cons, playing “what if.”

Relationships have a far greater impact on our pursuits and responsibilities than we might want to comfortably admit. We like to pretend that we can consolidate and separate, but the truth is that’s very, very hard. The best leaders know how to manage their emotions and push through, but that doesn’t mean they are still operating at peak performance. And with that, even the best leaders can only go so long without needing to either take a step back or make a drastic change.

Relationships, whether they be intimate or friendly, can be draining if not nurtured and taken care of properly.

1. Your Relationship Affects Your Mood

Bad mood, bad productivity.

If you’re upset, you are going to be upset with your work. If you’re anxious, you’re going to have trouble focusing. If you’re sad, you are going to struggle to be energetic with your pursuits. That’s just how it goes.

So it’s your responsibility to take care of the relationships in your life, and be diligent about resolving issues that arise in the moment — instead of letting them linger.

2. Clear Expectations Need To Be Set

Relationships tend to falter because of one fundamental issue: unmet expectations.

If you set the bar low, and you deliver on that expectation, you still win. If you set the bar high and don’t deliver, you are far worse off. Part of maintaining a positive relationship (with anyone) is setting clear expectations — especially with intimate partners. Do not make it seem like they are the center of your world when you are trying to launch a startup and working 18 hour days.

Make that clear from the beginning.

3. Deception Never Lasts

Who you are is who you attract.

And if you are attracting people into your life by being your false self, then at some point the jig is going to be up. You can only maintain that “alter ego” for so long — and when it crumbles, it’s going to hurt you far worse than if you had just been honest from the beginning. (This can apply to any number of things. Apply as you see fit.)

4. A Relationship Can Be A Support System

A relationship as an entrepreneur, business owner, or just plain driven individual can be one of the most helpful things you could possibly have.

They are someone you can confide in, with no connection to your otherwise complicated and logical pursuits. However, the thing to be wary of is to not make the other person feel like an “object” you use to vocalize all your stress and challenges.

There has to be some give and take.

5. An Outsider’s Perspective

When your friends, family, and significant other all live outside your direct realm of business or interest, they inherently provide an outsider’s perspective that many times can be helpful.

They ask simple questions, they provide you an opportunity to explain what you’re working on in its most basic form, and they can often point things out you aren’t able to see yourself (because you’re “in it”).

6. Relationships Are Mirrors

This is often one of the hardest things for people to admit.

Whatever you dislike in someone else, you struggle with yourself. Whatever irks you the most, that’s your issue — not theirs. Whatever frustrates you, or pushes your buttons, or makes you flare up in anger, that is a trigger of something inside you. If it wasn’t, then their actions wouldn’t affect you at all. Period.

When something triggers you, it’s your responsibility to take the time to figure out what that issue is and move past it.

This article originally appeared on Inc. Magazine.