”Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.”
– Rick Warren
Appreciate What You Have:-
Why is it so hard to appreciate what we have? Why is it so difficult to be sated with everything in our lives in the here and now? We always seem to be chasing the next big thing. Constantly lusting and yearning after the newest and best I’ve-just-gotta-have-it object, we move from one point to the next on this Hedonic Treadmill that we call life, and we can’t seem to get off.
The funny thing is that, for the most part at least, everything in our lives was once just a wish. We wanted that car we drive today so badly just a few years ago. The house we live was once just…
Sometimes you have to let yourself celebrate your wins. You won’t always have good news and you need to learn how to embrace and enjoy these moments. You need to let yourself have some fun once in a while, or else you will burn out and lose all motivation.
Sometimes you have to switch your routines, even when they’re working for you. You might be going too easy on yourself. You have to reassess your challenges and make sure you’re continuously challenging yourself and pushing your boundaries. You have to make sure you’re not purposefully blinding yourself and impeding progress.
On the flip side, you might be going too hard on yourself. You might be pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion. You might be miserable because you’re tyrannizing yourself over your schedule. You might need adjust if everyday feels like torture. You should be struggling, but not in constant pain.
I told myself that I would write and read every day. I often find myself making excuses.
“Sometimes it’s not possible.” I’d say.
Sometimes I’d lie to myself, procrastinate and never end up accomplishing my daily goals. Sometimes I won’t have an idea to write about and will end up pushing it until I have to publish something I am not proud of.
Creativity does not come by force. You can train yourself to produce and merge creative ideas constantly, but it cannot be coerced. The only thing you can do to influence creativity is to gain more experiences, observe the world around you and take in varieties of ideas.
Read more books. Watch more movies. Take a walk. Talk with people.
Sometimes, instead of trying to creating, you have to experience more. You need to put more ideas into your head.
You get out what you put in. These days, I haven’t been doing my due diligence in reading the books that have stacked up on my desk. I need to take more time to read. I need to take more time to digest the ideas and see what kind of interesting insights I can get out of them.
I feel like sometimes I should just spend a whole week focusing on the books, take some notes and come back with my observations. It is going to be harder to keep up a writing schedule, since I will no longer have the entire day to myself.
When problems arise and hinder my progress, I often find myself exactly where I started. I have no solution to deal with all the problems and happenings that occur in life. Every obstacle seems to affect me in a different way and threatens to crush my long-term goals. How do I deal with the numerous obstacles that will inevitably appear in my life?
The Obstacle Is The Way
But one thing that I have realized recently is the fact that the obstacle is the way. The quote is taken from Ryan Holiday’s book — The Obstacle Is The Way — which draws on wisdom from stoicism, the philosophy of enduring pain or adversity with perseverance and resilience.
When you’re paving your way through life, you will be met with obstacles that block you from moving forward. We spend a lot of time in our lives because we believe that these obstacles should be avoided or worse, cause us to backtrack and take another direction.
When we face big problems in life, we often believe it is horrible and treat them as unfortunate events. But what if you were meant to overcome these obstacles? What if they are there for you to hurdle over?
What would happen if you learned how to overcome all obstacles? You would be unstoppable. Nothing would stop your way because you understand that these obstacles are not impediments. They are not roadblocks that are meant to be avoided — they are meant to be taken head on.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Life will throw things at you that will threaten to break you. It will take away the things and people you love. You will face misfortune, pain and suffering. You have no control or influence over what life can bring to the table.
The only thing you can control is your attitude and your behaviors.
If you control your attitude and your behaviors, you will overcome any obstacle in life. You will not be influenced by the troubles of life. You will treat every obstacle as something to be overcome. You will love the struggle, because you know you will learn and receive something valuable from the experience.
Even though I am starting a new chapter in my life, I will keep on chasing my dream to become a writer. I will keep writing, reading and learning everyday.
Sometimes I will fail. Sometimes I will win.
But one thing that will never change is my attitude. I will meet my failures with compassion and meet my wins with pride.
Every obstacle that appears in front of me will not be sidestepped. They will be overcome and destroyed.
How do you respond to the roadblocks in your path? Do you slink your head in defeat and walk back the way you came, or do you analyze the situation and plan out how to get around and solve the problem?
“There is always a countermove, always an escape or way through. No one said it would be easy and of course the stakes are high, but the path is there for those ready to take it.”
19 Harsh Truths You Don’t Want To Hear But Must (You’ll Be 10 Times Better For It)
As a blogger, I cop a lot of heat for delivering the truth rather than sugar-coating it with Instagram selfies, perfect image filters and nice words. I’ve written about ditching your loser friends, giving up porn, being spat at by haters online and everything under the sun.
I’m not here to impress you; I’m here to give you the truth so you can grow. It’s not about me or some BS personal brand; it’s about how all of us can smash our goals using the truth and leave a legacy behind that will stop us from having regrets.
Here are the 19 harsh truths you must hear:
1. We all have the same problems.
My problems are the same as your problems. You might be dealing with some BS, but you’re not alone. That divorce, person that passed away, rejection letter you got or redundancy you were forced to take is happening to many other people, at exactly the same time.
Knowing your problems are all the same is how you stop yourself from getting stuck and feeling sorry for yourself. All your problems are simply a process that you have to deal with.
This process is part of the human experience and it’s what you were forced to sign up for when your parents decided to have sex and create you in the first place.
2. You don’t need experience — ever.
So many people in the workforce resist applying for their dream career because it says in the advertisement “5 years of X skill required with a proven track record.”
This line is part of every template for every job ad ever written.
This line is in the ad to stop time wasters and people that don’t have the killer instinct to see past the obstacle that’s been laid in front of them. If you give up on your career dream just because of one line, in one job ad, you’re probably not cut out to work for most companies.
Experience often leads to a fixed mindset that makes you think you know everything when you don’t.
Sometimes the best experience is no experience and a brilliant mindset.
3. We’re all going to have someone die on us — expect it.
I’ve lost many relatives in the last few years including my grandma who died at 104 because she stopped eating and decided she lived enough. On the day the doctors told me she didn’t have long to live, I was out of town.
I hurried back and went to see her. The doctors said to hurry up as she was close to death. I got there just in time to see her eyes still open. I held her hand and told her that I loved her very much. She squeezed my hand, closed her eyes and passed away shortly after. It’s like she was waiting for me the whole time.
All of us are going to lose someone, so enjoy the time you have with your family and friends. Don’t take a moment of it for granted and never leave people you care about on bad terms.
The last thing you want is someone to die on you having the relationship tarnished because of something stupid like a disagreement over money or a difference in beliefs.
“Death is guaranteed for all of us. It’s the only certainty we have and it’s the only motivation you should ever need”
4. Complaining is a F*cking waste of time.
It achieves nothing and is for cry babies who don’t want to face the harsh truth: we’re in control of everything that happens to us. Meaning: we’re in control of how we interpret all events.
Complaining is a disease that carries an antidote called “Freaking stop it, now, please.”
No one likes a complainer and it’s only making you get stuck in your head instead of charging forward towards your goals and doing something cool.
5. No one gives a hoot about your personal brand.
All these personal brand courses and “building a brand on LinkedIn” are ridiculous.
No one cares about your ego, how good you think you are or your company. All we care about is what’s in it for us. If you deliver something of value, then we will all like your stuff. There’s nothing else to it.
Your brand is just a perception based on the results you’ve proven in the past. Your brand is only as good as what you can teach us, give us or inspire us to do.
6. Other people’s opinions don’t matter.
Being bogged down by what other people think of you is crazy! Half the time, the people who are sharing these opinions are complete failures and are projecting their wants, needs, failures and desires onto you. They are hoping they can live vicariously through your life because their life sucks.
The only opinion that matters is yours. If you believe you can do the impossible, then you will.
7. You don’t need education or permission — they’re both optional.
A colleague asked me the other day if she should do a course in social media to get a job in the field. I told her “Screw that and build a presence online which will demonstrate your ability.”
I also told her “There’s a bunch of podcasts that you can listen to for free that don’t ever require you to do anything other than listening. Then all it comes down is picking the people who’ve already crushed it and following their strategies — seeing as they’re proven.”
You don’t need education to achieve your goals. You also don’t need anybody’s permission. If no one will hire you to build their website, then start your own company and generate business for yourself.
“Whatever you do, don’t waste time seeking approval. This habit comes out of overthinking, laziness or lack of execution”
8. You never want to have regrets.
There have been several studies conducted of what people dying think before they pass away. Uniformly, the vast majority have regrets about things they didn’t get to do.
When you realize that there are no barriers and you should just try everything that your heart desires (well maybe not drugs), you live a life of no regrets.
You experience life for the miracle that it is. If you like to travel then go do it. If you want a career in a certain field, then go do it. The strategies, resources, people, etc. will find their way into your life when you commit to taking action and not having regrets.
9. The human experience is full of suffering. Time to master it.
In some ways, you could describe our lives as torture. From day one, we’re going to suffer — guaranteed. On the other hand, suffering is only torture when you allow yourself to suffer.
When you see suffering as a necessity and you learn to use it to your advantage, that same suffering becomes fuel for your goals and dreams. All of a sudden, when suffering enters your life, you know what to do with it.
Suffering is part of the struggle which will help you do wonderful things in this world.
10. Quit wasting your time and throwing it down the toilet.
Pissing your time up against the wall doing useless activities rather than pursuing your passion(s) is the dumbest thing you can do. All of the things you want to achieve and haven’t yet can be done in the time you waste.
You think you don’t have time to write, make music, train for a sport but you do. You have just as much time as I do so why not use it to do the activities that will make you feel a sense of accomplishment?
11. Create value ahead of everything else.
That’s why I have no payment walls, masterminds or courses. When you create massive value for free, everything you need comes at you at 100 miles an hour.
The question is whether you’ll help other people get what they need so you can get what you need.
You’ll never have to worry about money again when you focus on creating the most value you can and growing through personal development.
12. Gratitude is a bloody superpower!
Ever since I started keeping a gratitude journal, I’ve learned to see so much good in the world. Even on days when I hit a major crisis, on the outskirts of that crisis is still so much good.
Gratitude is how you turn the balance of thoughts in your mind from negative to positive. This will never happen by default, so you have to make it a habit to deliberately be grateful every single day.
13. Hate to break it to you; money won’t make you happy.
I know what it’s like to have more money than you can spend. It means nothing. Sorry.
Deep down you know money won’t make you happy, yet you chase it because everyone else on the hamster wheel is doing the same.
The harsh truth is that meaning and purpose (which sound corny) are far more powerful than money will ever be.
We’re all chasing feelings, not money. You don’t want the money you want the feeling you get when you have it and buy stuff with it. Meaning and purpose give you even better feelings and they are free.
The most depressed I’ve ever been in my life is when I was rich in financial terms and poor in my own mind.
Everything changed when I found a purpose bigger than myself.
The exact same opportunity is available to you. Will you take it? Will you accept this harsh truth?
14. Be you and stop being an actor.
The right people will be attracted into your life when you quit being a Hollywood actor and pretending you don’t have problems and that life is like spending every day in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory licking lollipops and having Oompa Loompas serve you everything you could ever want.
The word “actor” is what I use to describe someone who’s not being vulnerable, authentic and real with everybody.
Telling people you’re not okay is fine. Asking for help is the greatest gift you can have in times of pain and suffering.
If you’re hiding the real you because you’re ashamed of who you are then know this: you can always become the person you’ve dreamt of being. It takes discipline, courage and a sense of fight to grow, adapt and admit when you’re wrong.
Accept where you are and move mountains to get where you know you can be in the future. We’re all capable of so much more than our current circumstances.
15. The only currency is time (Apologies crypto traders)
Quit trading time for money, distractions, toxic friends, bad habits and anything else you know is not serving what you stand for. Time is the one thing you can’t get more of. Time lets you work on those passions that send shivers down your spine.
Guard your time like you guard your life. Protect your time and spend it on things that will cause you to help others, live without regrets and be passionate.
16. Some people dream and others just execute. Do the later.
We’ve all got hopes and dreams but how many people do you know who actually do what they dream of. The answer is very few. That’s because dreaming is like an orgasm: it feels amazing.
“Dreaming has become a form of masturbation and it doesn’t lead to anything meaningful. Execution separates those people you deem to be successful from those people you deem to be mediocre, or worse yet, failures”
Execution is about not having all the answers and putting in the work. It’s spending five hours writing a blog post or doing a hundred laps of the running track to get your fitness level up.
We all want to become the best in our field but that will only happen if you experiment like crazy, learn, grow and continue executing.
You’ll gain the skills you need by executing and learning what doesn’t work. Please quit dreaming and start believing through executing.
17. Trying to meet society’s idea of success is a loser’s game.
What you see on the Internet as success is a lie. Success is whatever you make it and it varies to some degree for each and every person.
Most of what society thinks is success is built on outdated ideas.
For us millennials, our idea of success stems from our parents who value home ownership, cars, university and stuff that doesn’t align with who we are.
We have this inner conflict because we want to chase our own version of success, but then we lose society’s acceptance because we don’t fit the criteria of the majority.
Screw the majority. Following the herd is not how you become extraordinary: being you is.
18. Perfection doesn’t exist and never will.
Perfection is the belief that there’s some Havana where nothing goes wrong. Perfection ignores failure, mistakes, a growth mindset and an unrealistic view of reality.
“We’re all incredibly imperfect and that’s what makes us human and truly beautiful beyond what the eye can see. Perfection is a joke and that’s the harsh truth”
19. We’re all going to die. The End.
The clock is ticking amigo. Stop reading this article and use the time you have left to create a legacy that’s bigger than you could ever dream of. Inspire the world through your gifts, take care of your family and come to terms with the fact you’ll have to say goodbye one day.
Death is guaranteed for all of us. It’s the only certainty we have and it’s the only motivation you will ever need.
In this second piece, I will outline how the two life states function individually and how you can become the master of your destiny when you understand the principles behind them.
In the diagram above there are two columns depicting the qualities of life when viewed from the Parked or Navigating perspectives.
If you read over the Parked section, you will be aware that viewing the world from this perspective equates to an experience that is stagnant, blunt, and static. I have purposely labelled the columns in red and green to identify the red with being static and the green depicting the dynamic energy of life.
Each moment of life creates itself anew. When we are open and receptive to what life brings, instead of resisting and fighting, we begin to cooperate with life. But life will always win when we attempt to oppose it. Our opposition to life stems from our need to suit the outside world to our needs.
Something inside of us says that if things were different on the outside, then we would be happy and content on the inside. It rarely ever works out that way, for we are attempting to base our internal happiness on external conditions, which are often beyond our control.
Another way to look at it is from the perspective that although we cannot change external conditions, you can control your inner world and how you respond to it. Let us look at this statement from the view of an athlete.
A skilled and trained runner needs to adjust himself to suit a variety of race conditions. He cannot possibly compete at international level and in different countries with only limited race prowess.
A successful athlete learns to race and train in a variety of conditions, locally and internationally. In doing so, he becomes well accustomed to a variety of conditions that help him to become a stronger and prized competitor.
Our lives are not dissimilar to that of athletes. We are faced with challenges every day. These challenges are not coincidental or unfortunate.
They come to us in order to allow us to grow and evolve into a superior person who is capable of withstanding anything life throws our way. Life, whilst rewarding as it is, is nonetheless challenging at the best of times.
Returning to the analogy of the athlete, it becomes essential that we grow and evolve so that we are well equipped to face and deal with life’s hurdles.
Now, let us examine the table starting from the left hand side when one is in the Parked state. Notice in the first box, when we are in the Parked state we view circumstances as a challenge instead of an opportunity to learn and grow.
One of the greatest gifts I have acquired in this experience is the ability to see that everything that transpires in my life does so for the unfolding of my greatest good.
Most people’s challenges lie in their inability to see what is before them is actually a gift — a gift wrapped up as a challenge.
We could not possibly grow as individuals if life were easy all of the time. Recalling the athlete, the more challenges the athlete is faced with, the stronger and faster he becomes.
If we navigate by similar thinking, we grow into circumstances rather than trying to force them to happen.
Turn Inward And Reflect Upon The Nature Of Your Disturbance
“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” — James Allen
Understand this: the life challenges you currently face, whether they be financial, relationship, career or other, are calling you to face your challenges with a new mind and a new outlook.
Whenyou raise your level of consciousness, your level of thinking raises to view problems as opportunities.
In contrast, if you look to the box on the right-hand side under Navigating, you will note that the person who Navigates Life acts from inspiration rather than perspiration. Inspired people have more energy to make things happen.
The word inspired is intentionally used in contrast to the term motivated, as the term motivated implies stimulus from an external source, as opposed to being inspired from within.
I like to look at inspiration from this perspective. Consider the great Renaissance painter Michelangelo. I do not think Michelangelo ever had to be motivated to get up each morning to paint the Sistine Chapel. Michelangelo was inspired to create these pieces of art.
People who are inspired have an inner purpose, an inner calling. I personally believe this inner call is the expression of life — the Universe seeking to express itself.
People who are inspired rarely get tired and are enthusiastic about their mission or purpose. They cannot wait to get up each morning and be of service.
Let us look at the second box within the Parked table on the left-hand side to examine another life view. In a Parked state, you may view a relationship as frustrating, believing the other person is always the issue not you.
The point is that Parked people attempt to change their external world to suit their internal world. Unfortunately, life is too complex to wish that our external world will succumb to our wants, needs or desires.
In order to look at this from a higher perspective, you need to change your internal reference of your external world. In this example, it is worth noting that when we are in an intimate relationship, our partner is effectively mirroring back aspects of our personality, which we either repress or dislike.
The fact that it pushes our buttons is evidence enough that we identify with an unfavorable quality within ourselves. The key is not so much to fix the problem, as to become aware that you possess this quality.
Through awareness and conscious will, you are able to heal that part of your nature and create a more fulfilling and joyful intimate relationship.
The answer to any of our troubles is revealed by turning inward and reflecting upon the nature of that disturbance. Interactions with, our partners sometimes evoke mental or emotional sensitivities associated with childhood trauma or past experiences we have repressed.
However, denying an aspect of ourselves could result from an unconscious process. If we were harmed emotionally when we were young, our minds unconsciously repress the pain, possibly as a protective measure.
It is only later in adult life, when our mind has developed, that many of our childhood beliefs and programs return.
Those Navigating life, acknowledge that the world is reflecting back their current state of reality. Change within and without follows.
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change, is a well-known spiritual saying which proclaims our capacity to be conscious creators of our life circumstances.
Those Navigating understand that the world outside is a reflection of their inner world. Instead of trying to fix things on the outside they tend to their inner world and heal mental or emotional states which are not in alignment with their desires.
People who are Navigating are continually realigning themselves to obtain the highest level of joy and fulfillment.
Pilots do the same thing when flying; as the plane flies toward its destination, its satellite navigation system is repeatedly updating in order keep the plane on course to reach the desired destination.
Likewise, those Navigating look toward their inner world in order to adjust and create their outer world experiences.
The Parked vs. Navigating comparative diagram illustrates the respective life views of each state. The key is to never stay stuck in one area and to recognizewhen we are stagnant and not moving forward.
When Navigating, we have the ability to self-correct: to steer ourselves into the future, to curtail regret.
How often would you say you feel stressed? If the answer is “every day”, you are not alone. Between work, family, social and personal lives, there are many obligations to balance. Furthermore, in our modern digital age, with distractions, stimulations, and stressors coming from all directions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. This increased business leads to higher stress levels and that can seep into all aspects of our lives and have deep negative effects.
What is stress and where does it come from?
Stress is your body’s reaction to perceived pressures and threats from your environment. It triggers your body’s flight-or-fight response, which increases your heart rate and blood circulation, leading to faster breath intake and feelings of anxiety. When prolonged, this feeling will cause you to be unhappy, short-tempered, and tired. You might suffer from a weakened immune system, insomnia, depression, body aches or tension, and weight gain. Stress has many ways of manifesting itself. In more severe cases, chronic and serious stress can lead to heart disease. Clearly, if left unmanaged, this will overwhelm you, as it has a very real and profound effect on your health.
When is it a problem?
If stress is so common, then how and when is it a bigger issue? If you can grow from a difficult experience and learn to move past it, it isn’t a problem. But remember to periodically take a step back to reflect on your mental health. Are you generally happy with your quality of life or do you feel panicked, trapped, and hindered from being productive?
What you can do about it?
1. Take a deep breath
Remind yourself to slow down. Try inhaling deeply and then slowly exhaling to help re-focus and calm your shaky nerves. Doubtful? Give it a try, and you will be surprised at how much it can help. Counter nervous and panicked hyperventilation with controlled, deep breathing to let your brain know that you are doing just fine.
2. Make a list
Identify what is making you feel the way that you do. Like any other problem, the first step is always to acknowledge it. Whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed, or even at the start of every day, write down a list of things you are stressed about and need to do. The physical act of writing it out, as well as being able to visualize everything, will calm you down. Once it’s all on paper, you should feel as though your mind and thoughts are no longer as clouded. You won’t need to stress over remembering what to do and you can experience the satisfaction of crossing things off your list when you complete them.
3. Create a clear actionable plan
Big tasks, projects, and plans can seem daunting. The thought of needing to do something can invoke feelings of dread. Take some time to write down what you need to do to complete that task. Break all your larger projects down into much smaller subtasks that you can do easily. For example, if you have a business trip planned in a few weeks, book your flight tickets today, plan your car ride tomorrow, book your hotel rooms the day after, and keep going until you’ve finished planning your trip. You don’t need to plan your entire journey in one sitting. When you are only focused on the next step, your stress surrounding the entire task will dissipate.
4. Stop multitasking
Multitasking can seem like the best solution, but in reality, it divides your focus and prevents you from being efficient. By severely limiting the amount of time spent on each task, you are not allowing yourself to do your best work. You will lose time in the process of shifting gears, rather than spending it wisely on actual work. If you do have multiple things to do, don’t worry. Just give yourself a set time frame to work for each task and avoid trying to work on all of them at once.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill
It’s no secret. At some point, everyone, including the most successful, fail. Things don’t go as planned and even the most intense effort feels as though it’s not enough. The disappointment can be crushing and disheartening in many ways.
While failure is unpleasant and uncomfortable, it is still not something you can avoid completely, so the best thing to do is to set yourself up to bounce back quicker. Conquering your fears isn’t easy, but why stay the same when you have the opportunity to discover a new perspective? Use your experiences to your advantage.
1. Note what you learned
Failure is life’s best teacher. Don’t waste more time and effort making the same mistakes. Ask yourself what you have learned from your experience and what new insights you have gained from it. How will this affect your future decisions and actions?
Successful people keep moving forward. If they had given up early, how would they be successful today? Create your reality with what you have and make the most of it. The worst thing you can do now is nothing at all.
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” — Michael Jordan
2. Evaluate your plan
What went wrong? Reflect on what you did and leave your emotions out of the picture. Fully assess your actions and plans objectively. Consider what you’ve planned and check it against what actually happened. Note what improvements you should consider and to what areas you should shift your focus. You don’t need immediate solutions — just know what places need improvement and wait until you can think of something better. Research further into where to direct your attention and spend more time on what needs to be changed. When you construct your next plan, incorporate these findings.
As you are creating your next plan of action, follow your steps as if you were someone else and collect feedback from others. Find your weaknesses, so you know where to focus and what to replace. Think of your plan as a war strategy in which knowing your strengths and weaknesses allows you place reinforcements wisely.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” — Henry Ford
3. Recognize that you’re only seeing short-term results
Your failures do not define you because as long as you keep trying, the low moment will soon become a distant memory. Success is not immediate and no one is entitled to it. You shouldn’t expect to become successful overnight. Continue pushing forward and set yourself up with a strong foundation for future success by learning what works best. If you keep trying, you will achieve it.
“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” — John Burroughs
Success always follows many attempts and failures. Even the successful, famous people you admire didn’t fulfill their potential on their first try. For instance, Henry Ford, founder of Ford Motor Company, failed the first two times he tried to start his own automobile company. The first time, his investor, William H. Murphy, a prominent Detroit businessman, lost faith in the project because of the time it was taking Ford to refine his design for consumers. Ford then tried again to repurpose his design, again convincing Murphy to believe and invest in it. This time, it was Ford who left the company, despite all of the money and time put into it, because he didn’t want Murphy’s people to interfere with his designs. Everyone wrote Ford off as incapable.
With a growing number of competitors emerging and much time wasted, no one expected Ford to succeed with his automobile. However, Ford soon found a new investor and was finally able to focus on his final product, now known as the Model A. Today, Ford is a household name, known as one of the biggest U.S.-based automobile manufacturers.
After I got my first serious girlfriend in college, I identified as a “relationship guy”.
I experienced a lot of discomfort with myself growing up and nothing made me quite as sick as having to take a hard look in the mirror.
Because of this reality, I dodged every opportunity to do a deep scrub of my identity and understand why I am the way I am. I was completely resigned and stuck in cruise control — never taking a breath to stop and consider what I really wanted for myself.
I had some strong suits going for me, but making myself happy sure wasn’t one of them.
I chalked it up to heredity, as my father had battled anger and depression throughout his life. Sometimes I used humor to bail me out, making a joke out of everything I possibly could — no matter how serious.
Nothing seemed to work, and I was tired of the futile attempts.
Once I met Jenny however, I experienced something different.
My job was now to make her happy, instead of myself happy.
“I can get into this,” I told myself.
I was finally off the hook, and I loved it. I got to shove that annoying necessity called self-love into a dark storage closet in my mind, never to be opened again.
What ensued thereafter however, was an exacerbated version of it.
Without a respectable level of self-awareness and regard for my emotional well-being, my ego stepped in its place.
I sabotaged my relationship with Jenny in lieu of attention I was getting externally. I couldn’t see what I had in front of me because my experience was filtered by a self-enhancing, wildly insecure view — as opposed to something real and authentic.
I flat-out missed all the love, care, and honor she showed for me. The next girl, same result. And the next girl, you guessed it, the same result.
The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
When I finally bet my final poker chip (and lost), I couldn’t ignore what I did when I was a boy.
I couldn’t ignore that I was the common denominator.
I couldn’t ignore that no one else could make me happy unless I did first.
My mom would always share with me the famous Abraham Lincoln quote,
“You’re only as happy as you make up your mind to be.”
To which I would regularly respond with a roll of the eyes.
But this time, it persisted. I began looking closer at the quote and I started to really get the impact.
My unhappiness was a result of a lack of commitment. I was resigned. I wouldn’t pick a side. I’d straddle the fence. What I needed to do was make a decision to be happy.
The word decide comes from the word Latin decidere, which is composed from de- (off) and caedere (cut).
In other words, when you decide something, you cut off the alternative.
My alternative was my ego. My self-loathing. My insecurity. My deteriorating self-worth.
The other option was my authentic self. The one my parents created. The one I lived out as a child until I allowed someone else to convince me it wasn’t good enough.
While this seemed scarier, more risky, and less sure, it still felt better.
I wasn’t putting on a show for anyone. And it wasn’t even that I wasn’t putting on a show to spite anyone, either. I was just being me.
Perfectly, imperfect me.
Not a me that lives for others’ opinions but also not a me that blatantly disregards them just to feel more secure in himself.
A me that chooses freely to care for others, unyielding of the love I show for them. A me that doesn’t acknowledge what the suppressed status quo of human connection calls for. A me that just lives — for others and for himself.
That me is nothing but love. And I’ve finally allowed him to be free.
I’ve cleaned out all the closets so I now can allow anyone in my house — without the presence of resistance or concealment.
The empowerment I feel by owning my authentic self and living a life of truth has me genuinely excited — for what I may be able to create with the next person that comes my way or for what impact I may make on the world.
However it happens, it’s perfect. It may not be exactly how I want it to happen, but it will be how it’s meant to happen.
And regardless of society’s interpretations, pressure from friends and family, or that constantly chirping ego of mine, I’m okay with it.
Make these small changes for a healthier you, with slimming benefits for that stubborn weight!
Not knowing why you want to lose weight. A lot of people like to dive right in, skip the planning, the why, and lose weight quick. It could be for an event, summer, or just because they are tired of not loving the body they’ve got. But, seeing true weight loss success and keeping it off takes planning, determination, and staying motivated. Not only that, but your “why” for doing it has to be better than “because I want to wow everybody at the wedding in March with my hot new bod.” That can definitely be a reason, but most of the time reasons like those don’t provide long lasting results. When I was able to finally see changes, it was because I decided I wanted to change my lifestyle. I was tired of feeling…
Not Achieving Your Goals May Actually Put You On The To Fulfil Your Destiny
Unexpected Twists and Turns
“The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn’t matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark.” — Barbara Hall
To a woman who complained about her destiny the Master said: “It is you who makes your destiny.”
“But surely I am not responsible for being born a woman?”
“Being born a woman isn’t destiny. That is fate. Destiny is how you accept your womanhood and-what you make of it.”
Anthony de Mello evokes the essence of your destiny coinciding with fate when you are attentive to it.
We are born with the seed of potential within us. Some are called to awaken their potential through fate or destiny while others have it thrust upon them.
I’m reminded of the tale depicting the unending search for wisdom outside of us when it waits to be discovered within.
The Creator of the universe gathered all of creation and asked: “I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realisation they create their own reality.”
“Tell me where I can hide this wisdom so they will never find it.”
The eagle replied: “Hide it beyond the furthest star. They will not find it there.”
“Not so, said the buffalo. One day man will learn to fly and find his wisdom in the furthest galaxies. Hide it on the floor of the sea and they will never find it.”
“Not so, said the wise bear. One day humans will learn to swim to the bottom of the ocean and find their wisdom there. Hide it deep within man, for he will never think to search for it there.”
So the Creator did precisely that. He hid the wisdom of life deep within mankind.
The quest to fulfil one’s goals and dreams is a journey many go in search of. Whilst there is no roadmap marking the route, you must take a leap of faith and trust your journey is following in the right direction.
However, along the path, you may encounter unexpected twists and turns that look like you have lost your way, when in fact you are exactly where you need to be.
Your Destiny Calling
“Sometimes, perhaps, we are allowed to get lost that we may find the right person to ask directions of.” — Robert Brault
I revealed in earlier articles how I studied to become a menswear fashion designer at university and spent time in Italy before my life was transformed.
Within the years that followed, I went from fashioning fabrics to writing and speaking about self-empowerment because I felt a pull to explore this path.
I had little experience as a writer and speaker, yet everything fell into place as I moved forward.
What I experienced at the time is best depicted in the quote by the American novelist Wendell Berry who said: “It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.”
What I thought was my ambition to be a successful designer soon became a distant fantasy.
I was asked in the years that followed whether I missed working in design. Frankly no, because my time as a designer had run its course and I was excited about exploring life as a writer and speaker.
Does that mean you shouldn’t chase your goals and dreams?
My goal was to become a designer working in Europe and by that account, I fulfilled my ambition until life had other plans.
Author Alan Cohen said: “Every choice before you represents the universe inviting you to remember who you are and what you want.”
In pursuing your goals, you may encounter adversity and hardship. However, challenges may be your destiny calling.
I don’t know and neither will you until you step into it.
One thing is for certain, if your world is falling apart, it may be a sign your previous life is collapsing to give way for the new life to develop.
Embrace the Journey
“Destiny has two ways of crushing us — by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.” — Henri Frederic Amiel
There’s a Japanese Haiku that reads: “I have always known that at last I would take this road, but yesterday I did not know that it would be today.”
There is no certainty in life when faced with these intersections and the sole guidance to draw on will be hope and faith.
Hope you will overcome the pain and faith your new life will fall into place better than expected.
It was the French author André Gide who wrote: “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
You must go forth in the direction you are called, for that is the greatest act of courage you can undertake. It signifies your willingness to trust in the unfolding of your life’s narrative.
You are never presented with circumstances you cannot overcome because the seed of potential has been implanted within you.
Whilst it may not appear that way, when you move forward with conviction, the path will be reveal itself, but not a moment sooner.
If it seems your goals are out of reach, you may be progressing more than you realise, but not in a linear direction.
The universe comprises many moving parts.
What looks untenable now is nothing more than life orchestrating the pieces of the puzzle so your life comes together as it should.
However, if you look intently on the chaos, you are likely to think circumstances are not unfolding in your favour.
They are, but not in the way you think.
For now, follow the trail and embrace the journey while making the most of it.
Take the road less traveled and follow it with openness, knowing it might lead you to fulfill your destiny sooner than you realize.
“An eye for an eye will only make the world blind” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Arguments and relationships go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. Unfortunately, arguments are not as sweet as jelly and don’t go over as smooth as peanut butter. When we argue with our loved ones, it is important to remember that it’s not necessary to deliver a knock out blow. Think of the argument as a heart to heart conversation and not a bare-knuckle showdown.
Here are some simple steps to remember when arguing:
Before you engage in an argument with your loved one, take a moment to reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself, “Why are you upset?” Are you really upset because he or she was late or could it be your partner has not been giving you enough attention? It is important to know why you are upset so you can communicate this clearly.
2. Discuss one issue at a time
Once you clarify your feelings you can begin to discuss why you are upset. Many times in the heat of the moment we bring up past digressions and end up arguing about something else entirely except the matter at hand. Try to keep the argument about the current disconnect by remembering to discuss one issue at a time.
3. No degrading language
Discuss the issue, not the person. All attempts must be made to keep the conversation civil. It is important to avoid name calling, swearing or put-downs. Keep in mind that negative words are a manifestation of negative feelings. There is never a good enough reason to call your partner a derogatory name. There are unpardonable words that can leave a partner feeling emotionally scarred making it harder for them to receive your love. Remember, this is someone you love and you really do not want to hurt them.
4. Express yourself
Use words to express how you feel and take responsibility for those feelings. Start your statements with ” I.” I feel angry. I feel hurt. By starting statements with “I” you are able to connect with your words with your emotions. Avoid using statements beginning with “You.” Statements starting with “You” tend to make the other person feel attacked which often leads them to shut down emotionally.
5. Take turns talking
It is important to take turns speaking. Once you have had your turn, it is important to listen to what your partner has to say. If this is difficult, use a timer and a set amount of time for each person to speak. You can also designate an item to use like a talking stick. Whoever holds the item can speak. Just make sure you remember to pass the item! The talking stick method has been used for hundreds of years by indigenous people. The “Talking stick” can be any object.
6. Knock down the walls
Stonewalling is the refusal to communicate or express emotions. It is very common during conflicts. People often do this when they want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or prefer not to engage in an emotional discussion that may lead to a fight. Stonewalling can include a refusal to discuss feelings or walking out of a conversation. When you are both in a “sober emotional state,” make a pact with one another that you will not stonewall and will engage in a meaningful discussion no matter how challenging it may be. If one of you feels the issue warrants a discussion, the other person must respect the request by engaging and listening.
7. No Yelling
It may feel great to unleash your frustration on your partner by yelling at them, but many times this only adds fuel to the fire. When a person is yelled at, they tend to yell back in self-defense. This often results in an escalation of self-defensive responses from both parties. Yelling typically results in further alienation and frustration. Sometimes, a partner will not engage in the yelling but will passively accept the treatment. This only leads to fostering resentment by the person being yelled at. Remember, remain calm and use words to make your point, not volume.
8. Take a timeout
In a perfect world, we would all be able to communicate effectively with each other and have no need for rules. You are not expected to print up this page and follow each step while you are arguing. This is not a script for the perfect fight. In the real world, voices will be raised and perhaps a few hurtful words will be used. When you feel that the temperature is rising, take a time out until both parties cool off. Agree on a time to continue the conversation. It is important to agree on another meeting to continue the discussion so one or both parties do not attempt to stonewall.
If you reach an impasse in the argument, try to come to a compromise. If you can’t reach a compromise then agree to disagree. Try to understand each other’s point of view. Discussing and attempting to understand will help soothe negative feelings. Communication is one of the strongest pillars of the house of love, so it is important to reinforce and strengthen this skill whenever possible. Good luck! If you found this post helpful please don’t forget to like, comment and share!